Young Love: Talking to God, Is He Answering?

[Plato123]

God answered and I am done with this issue.

Thank you Bart and Neo-x for your words of wisdom. It is no longer a problem.

[Canuckster1127]

Welcome Plato123.

It's hard to give a lot of direction based on what you're saying. It sounds like you might benefit from some time with a counsellor to help you understand why you may be behaving in the manner you are.

This is just pure speculation on my part, so please give me the grace to be wrong and I'll give you the grace to ignore any or all of it.

What you're describing to me, doesn't sound healthy for either one of you. Unconditional love is a wonderful thing, and it's a perfect illustration of the kind of love God has for us in Christ Jesus. It's wonderful that you have someone who loves you inspite of the things you are doing. In terms of a human relationship though it sounds to me more like the type of dysfunctional relationship that often develops between people who are addicts and those who are codependents who try to bring value to themselves by how they can care or rescue others.

Maybe I'm reading too much, but if my experience as someone who grew up in a alcoholic family and who knows what codependence is, I'd suspect your young man may come from a family where there's drugs, alcohol or some other form of habit that has him conditioned to love someone who "needs" him.

If that's the case, the best thing both of you could do, in my opinion, is put your relationship on hold and both of you seek help from God and others to relearn what is healthy and then when that's progressed you can readdress what relationship there is.

That's very hard for most people to receive. It's what I have to offer however based on the very little you've said.

blessings,

bart

[Plato123]

Thank you for the very thoughtful response, Bart. I didn't give you much information, but I think you you are close to right. It is a dysfunctional relationship. But don't blame him, I feel it is mostly my fault. I come from a dysfunctional family, so I have always known I wouldn't succeed in a committed relationship.

Do you have any idea why I would feel more strongly after I pray than before I pray? Maybe I am leaving too much in God's hands, at a certain point I just need to think about what is logical. If it won't work than it won't work and I should move on. But I don't know how to move on. It's so painful.

[Canuckster1127]

Plato,

Things can change but usually not while you're in the relationship.

In the relationship it's too easy to be distracted and find refuge in how another person loves and enables you to continue unhealthy patterns. It takes some hard focused work to unlearned healthy patterns and learn new healthy ones.

The good news is it can be done.

Hope that helps.

Blessings,

bart

[neo-x]

Do you have any idea why I would feel more strongly after I pray than before I pray? Maybe I am leaving too much in God's hands, at a certain point I just need to think about what is logical. If it won't work than it won't work and I should move on. But I don't know how to move on. It's so painful.

May I humbly suggest that you not only evaluate your relationship, as Bart said on healthier choices but also your faith. it seems to me that your faith is dependent on what you have seen or experienced and that being not so positive, is producing a negative "certainty" on your self in relationships. I am aware that it must be painfully hard but look where you may be crossing some things that may cause your faith to dwindle at times. and if that be the case then you could work on it. It will take time. But it can happen. Please forgive me if I am wrong to assume something.

God bless you.

[Plato123]

Neo-X,

That was very perceptive of you to realize - my faith was in a precarious position. I stopped practicing for a year and started up again very recently. During the time I was away I figure I was spiritually vulnerable, because I developed very bad habits and my life pretty much skyrocted out of control, even though I still believed in God. Why did I leave - it is complicated, but I know it was a very a silly thing to do - to abandon my faith. I realize that now. Now that I am back, I am having a very fun time cleaning up all the pieces of the mess I've created.

Peace be with you.

[neo-x]

God be with you, I'm sure you know this now, but just to say it, Faith is the anchor of our life with God, stay in it, because God is always faithful. He may not answer you every time you pray but he will be there to carry you through it all if you start trusting him.
God bless you.