You experience God by seeking the heart of God. Actually you are already experiencing Him, in ways that I have already mentioned. Because you are frustrated and depressed it may be hard for you to perceive. Part of this transition is already happening in you because you are facing, with honesty, the futile ways of this world. You have come to a great realization. The realities of strife are all too real for you.
Jesus said it this way. He who has my commands and keeps them, it is he who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by the Father, and I too will love him, and will MANIFEST myself to him. John 14:21
That is either true or not. So, a study of the Gospel of John is a great point to begin.
Radio waves are all around us. They are invisible and undetectable until we have a proper receiver tuned in. We can tune into God.
I had a confirming experience from God. Do you know what I wasn't doing. Seeking an experience. I was seeking God, facing my sins and His holiness. And then I had the experience. If you are seeking an experience it is unlikely you will have one. Why? Well, at the center of that is selfish desire. And as I mentioned before God will resist the proud. So, we must humble ourselves. We must remember that this is a process.
So we know this.
1. You want to beleive
2. You feel you need an experience
The crossroads will be number two. I have demonstrated in the previous posts that you have in fact had experiences. They may not be what you want, but they are a start. You have to purpose whether you will begin a sincere pursuit of truth, or whether you will take an antagonistic approach, which will only end in frustration. Let your desire be for hope, not for experiences. You do not experience God by demanding things of Him. He has provided you with the same two things he gives to every person. The creation, and your conscience. Empty yourself of demands, open yourself for the possibilities, and seek His heart.
This board deals a lot with the creation end of this question. I would encourage you to explore the main page for some answers. I would also recommend you to pursue other sources if you are sincere. You obviously devoted some serious study to the view of why you shouldn't beleive. You sited three books you read. I would at least give equal voice to the other side.
A lot of people here like Hugh Ross. I like C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, or Lee Strobel's A case for Faith.
One thing this board doesn't deal with much is the conscience side. I addressed that a little earlier. I think this is by far the most important of the two. Your posts already demonstrate the reality of this. Your frustrations with injustice. The Hitler example. But to rightly beleive in God we must first beleive that He exist. We must also know that it is not just a God that exist, but that this is the God. So, why Christianity. Who is God? What is his character?
Here is a link to a good place to start, and it's free.
http://www.livingwaters.com/Merchant2/g ... ianity.pdf
Be certain of this. I will be praying for you.