Gabrielman wrote:Good Question, but no luck, as I find that kind of thing boring, but you were wise to ask. I know why I am having night mares, well most of them anyway, but I just can't get them to stop. I have a variety of night mares and I may share them on the board, I don't know yet, but I will tell you one of the ones I have had between the others. It has to do with my mothers death. You see I watched her die before my very eyes, and well....
I can never forget that day... it was the 4th of July, a day I don't celebrate anymore, she died by a massive heart attack brought on by her lungs and kidneys filling with fluid, she tried to get help, to grab a near by phone next to her bed, but she couldn't, my dad woke up to see her, convulsing and gagging and then, stillness, I didn't see all of it, but I watched her being taken out of the house, the look on her face.... and she was still alive, still suffering, you could see her trying to live.... we didn't want her to suffer. Well ever since then I have nightmares about it in a different way. See the night she died she had asked me to stay up with her and scratch her back, she had a lot of diseases and one of them made her itch a lot and she couldn't sleep. I told her no, I had to work the next morning. Well I told her good night and that I loved her, all she said was good night... Now I will have dreams of her off and on, laying on a hospital bed with doctors trying to save her one moment, and then the next, I am holding her heart in my hand and there is blood everywhere, and I am standing there in front of her, and she has that look on her face
like I betrayed her.... she is laying there dead.... and there is nothing I can do! The docs are gone, and she is looking at me with those eyes... she was the only human that had remotely loved me. Had I stayed up that night she could have lived, maybe they could have helped her if I had just been there... I was so helpless the day she died... there was nothing I could do. After she was gone I had no one to comfort me or give me love, they helped my bros cause they acted out, and my sis too cause she was young, but I couldn't get them to help me, it was like they didn't take me seriously. She couldn't give me much love, she was too sick all of the time and with four kids and my dad she just couldn't be with us all. I cherished every moment with her... and I will never get another one again
My family then began to play the blame game and fight over money too and life just fell apart from there, and ever since then those nightmares happen from time to time.... when I am not having the other ones.
Fortunately I have someone who loves me and cares about me and has been talking with me about this for a while, and she has helped me a lot with it, just listening and comforting me. It is still very painful, and even now is hard to write about, but I am glad I have her as if she hadn't helped me with this and much more I wouldn't be alive today, I would have died of all the pain I had kept in. Thank you Vicki
You are too good for words!
That is just a bit of the nightmares I have, like I said, there are more and they are very very disturbing and well I might put them on the board, IDK but there you have one. I know the reasons I have nightmares, I just want them to stop.
