What does God make of my marriage?

[PaulSacramento]

According to Christ, Moses allowed for divorce because of how hard headed the hebrews were, but that was not how it was suppose to be.
Christ says that anyone the divorces for any other reason than adultery, if they remarry will be commiting adultery.
Note no prohibition AGAINST divorce, just against it outside of adultery.
Whether your husbands is an unbeliever or not is not the point, love is the point.
Do you love Him and does he love you?
Need? we are NOT suppose to need anyone to make us happy or content, that is far to great a burden to place on fellow human.
Our loved one is the "icing on the cake" of our lives, they are who completes us, they are NOT the reason we exist or the reason we are happy or content.
You can't pray for God to help someone become how YOU want them to be.
God will NOT do that and over-ride anyones freewill.
If you love your husband and He loves you and he is a good and honest man then you should lead by example and, like Paul said, your "faith and love" MAY being him over, but don't do it BECAUSE you want that to happen, do it BECAUSE you Love him, understand the difference?

Some people don't know how to love or how to show love but you fell in love with this person SOMEHOW, did you not?
We all need to be taught how to love and how to express that love and not all of us are.
Lead by example and perhaps he will see with his heart what he can't see with his eyes.

God does NOT decide who has or doesn't have children so don't think the God has NOT blessed your marriage or anything like that.

You CHOOSE to marry this man and if you loved him, love him still, that is your choice as well.
Love can truly overcome all IF there is love there on BOTH sides.
Love can't be onesided, it doesn't work that way.

Paul, you ask me if I love my husband and if he loves me .. I can only answer an undisputed "yes", that I love him, with every fibre of me. However, when it comes to the subject of need, it is my humble opinion that God placed man and woman in the union of marriage, because as humans, we do undoubtedly have needs. To be noticed and recognised is surely a very basic need in all of us, when it comes to our marriage partners. Just as Christ is head of His Church and the Church "need" Christ, so in my opinion a wife "needs" a husband and a husband "needs" a wife. I would challenge any married person who would claim not to have needs.
And furthermore, I am not praying, as you say, "for God to help someone become how YOU want them to be." I am praying for understanding and divine help and for God's will to be revealed in this matter. I am praying for patience, strength and perseverance and for the future of my marriage.
I disagree with you further when you say that God does NOT decide who has children and who does not - "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book" .. Ps 139; "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him" Ps 127 ... It is my belief that God indeed does decide. Thank you and Blessings to you all.

I am glad that you love him, truly without love there is no way to fix anything.
You make a valid point about needs and YOUR needs, but I m curious as to your husbands needs ( a couple is comprised of 2 PEOPLE, 2 WANTS AND 2 NEEDS).
I am glad that you pray to Our Lord for strength and patience, truly those traits coupled with love can almost conquer all.
God does NOT decide who has children or not, that would be direct violation of God's gift of freewill to us.
Are we saying that God decides to allow people who abuse and kill their children to have children?
Of course not.
Our ability and desire to procreate has to do with US, our desire and our health.
You say you love your husband, may I ask WHY?

[PaulSacramento]

Paul, I don't agree with you unfortunately. Love can overcome all even if it's one sided...look at Christ.

It can't and doesn't and isn't suppose to overcome freewill.
We are NOT Christ, we are fallen humans that have a hard enough time understanding love, much less being able to exert the kind of love that Christ had.
There are 2 people in a relationship ( couple relationship) and it takes 2 to fix it, 2 to make it work, it takes fixing what needs to be fixed in BOTH people.

[jac76]

According to Christ, Moses allowed for divorce because of how hard headed the hebrews were, but that was not how it was suppose to be.
Christ says that anyone the divorces for any other reason than adultery, if they remarry will be commiting adultery.
Note no prohibition AGAINST divorce, just against it outside of adultery.
Whether your husbands is an unbeliever or not is not the point, love is the point.
Do you love Him and does he love you?
Need? we are NOT suppose to need anyone to make us happy or content, that is far to great a burden to place on fellow human.
Our loved one is the "icing on the cake" of our lives, they are who completes us, they are NOT the reason we exist or the reason we are happy or content.
You can't pray for God to help someone become how YOU want them to be.
God will NOT do that and over-ride anyones freewill.
If you love your husband and He loves you and he is a good and honest man then you should lead by example and, like Paul said, your "faith and love" MAY being him over, but don't do it BECAUSE you want that to happen, do it BECAUSE you Love him, understand the difference?

Some people don't know how to love or how to show love but you fell in love with this person SOMEHOW, did you not?
We all need to be taught how to love and how to express that love and not all of us are.
Lead by example and perhaps he will see with his heart what he can't see with his eyes.

God does NOT decide who has or doesn't have children so don't think the God has NOT blessed your marriage or anything like that.

You CHOOSE to marry this man and if you loved him, love him still, that is your choice as well.
Love can truly overcome all IF there is love there on BOTH sides.
Love can't be onesided, it doesn't work that way.

Paul, you ask me if I love my husband and if he loves me .. I can only answer an undisputed "yes", that I love him, with every fibre of me. However, when it comes to the subject of need, it is my humble opinion that God placed man and woman in the union of marriage, because as humans, we do undoubtedly have needs. To be noticed and recognised is surely a very basic need in all of us, when it comes to our marriage partners. Just as Christ is head of His Church and the Church "need" Christ, so in my opinion a wife "needs" a husband and a husband "needs" a wife. I would challenge any married person who would claim not to have needs.
And furthermore, I am not praying, as you say, "for God to help someone become how YOU want them to be." I am praying for understanding and divine help and for God's will to be revealed in this matter. I am praying for patience, strength and perseverance and for the future of my marriage.
I disagree with you further when you say that God does NOT decide who has children and who does not - "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book" .. Ps 139; "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him" Ps 127 ... It is my belief that God indeed does decide. Thank you and Blessings to you all.

I am glad that you love him, truly without love there is no way to fix anything.
You make a valid point about needs and YOUR needs, but I m curious as to your husbands needs ( a couple is comprised of 2 PEOPLE, 2 WANTS AND 2 NEEDS).
I am glad that you pray to Our Lord for strength and patience, truly those traits coupled with love can almost conquer all.
God does NOT decide who has children or not, that would be direct violation of God's gift of freewill to us.
Are we saying that God decides to allow people who abuse and kill their children to have children?
Of course not.
Our ability and desire to procreate has to do with US, our desire and our health.
You say you love your husband, may I ask WHY?

Hi again Paul,
Yes, I speak of my needs because in knowing myself, I recognise my needs and can therefore speak with confidence regarding these; in terms of my husband's needs, I TOO am curious to know more about these. As I have explained, the emotional unavailability makes it extremely difficult to ascertain what these needs actually are - inevitably leading to all sorts of frustration and misunderstanding.
You ask me WHY I love my husband - Reasons are so numerous, varied and I hasten to add, personal. He is a wonderful man and I thank God for him. This very difficult situation in which we find ourselves is dreadful!
I think I will agree to differ with you on the subject of children, and God's involvement in deciding who will be blessed with children and who will not. I believe in an omniscient God who is involved in all aspects of life, the giving of life and taking believers home at a time of His choosing. I guess this spills in to a discussion on predestination.
"The Bible does tell us that children are a blessing from God. Psalm 127:3-5 says, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.” God blesses parents with years of enjoyment with their children that can hardly be compared to anything else. God declares that children are a blessing.

There are times when God deliberately keeps someone from having children, no matter how desperately she wants them. Hannah longed for a child, but the Lord had “closed her womb” until such time as He saw fit to allow her to conceive Samuel, the Lord’s prophet (1 Samuel 1:1-2:21). Sarah, too, was forced to wait many years (she was 90!) before God blessed her with Isaac (Genesis 15:15-17; 21:1-7). From these and many other examples, we can see that God is in sovereign control of all circumstances of life, including the birth of children." (gotquestions.org).. This reflects my humble opinion on the subject. Thank you and Blessings.

[jac76]

Hi BW, no there is no history of trauma of any sort, work related or otherwise that I know of.

Okay then,

Here is a Link for you to review and plasee if it applies: Emotional Distance

Or this one from Wikipedia

After reading - did any of these help?
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BW, I thank you for these links. The step by step approach as detailed in the first one is something which I am going to attempt when sitting down to discuss with my husband. It's hard to believe that two well educated, sound minded adults could struggle so much with such a basic skill as communication. I am also intending to enlist the help of a mentor from the site which you recommend. Christian guidance from a professional is priceless at this point. BW, Thank you. May God bless you for your thoughfulness.
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[PaulSacramento]

Jac,
I read and feel the sincerity and pain in your words.
I wonder, has your husband read these words? doe she know how you feel?
If so, what is his reply?
Have you ever discussed counseling?
If you believe that God predestines things then it would reason that He predestined you and your husband to be together, that your union serves a purpose, yes?
No one can fix your problems and none of us here are even remotely qualified to offer anything but personal opinions that don't mean that much in the end.
YOU know your life and yourself and your husband batter then anyone here.
Not being able to here "his side" of the story does also leave Us at a disadvantage.

[jac76]

Thanks Paul, I appreciate that. By way of posting my initial entry, I was merely seeking Christian advice on what their thoughts were concerning how God would view this situation, as I have a great deal of respect for those more learned in the ways of God than myself.. I have any number of non Christian friends who will be so quick to advise, but I am seeking God's will. Yes, counselling is an option, however even here, we disagree, as I wish to attend Christain counselling, whereas my husband prefers the more mainstream type. I will continue to pray and trust in my Father for guidance and do my best to follow His lead. Thank you for your wisdom. God bless.

[PaulSacramento]

God communicates to Us Via his Son, Our Lord Christ.
We hear His voice everyday, He guides us and strengthes us, but we don't always "choose" to hear Him.
You know that "little voice" in your head ( Not voices mined you, voice, singular), the one that reminds you, the tries to lead you on the straight and narrow path, the path less travelled but filled with love and righteousness? That voice is Our Lord speaking to Us.
No He does NOT coming "crashing into our world" like a gang busters, but leads with love and grace and compassion.
His voice never says to hate, to do harm ( to others or ourselves), to be selfish, it never says to do anything outside of love and grace.
His voice will never tell you to judge, except out of love, His voice will never tell you to be harsh or 'hard hearted", but will always speak of love and compassion and tenderness.
We tend to "not" hear His voice when it suits us, typically when it is going against what we WANT to do ( it is our fallen nature to do this).
Listen and quite your mind, allow His Love to fill you and His voice will be "loud and clear".

[jac76]

To each and every one of you who remembered me in prayer, even if you only as much as uttered my name or thought of me, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart..

Not long after I posted this request for advice re. my marriage, I experienced nothing short of a miracle. I cannot even explain to myself how this came about, so I do not know how to fully explain it here.

God heard the cries of my heart.. I had pleaded with the Holy Spirit to intercede for me and bring to God the great groanings of my heart, because I had ran out of steam and will.
VERY quickly, my sense of understanding and my ability to really "hear" my husband increased 100 fold. My husband was SUDDENLY attentive, and understanding of issues to which his ears were CLOSED for so long.
I have been pinching myself, because in the "real world" this change is NOT possible. It is the work of God and it is answered prayer, praise God.
I had been quietly considering divorce as an option, heartbreaking as this is to even contemplate.. God said "No".. He has plans for us, and TOGETHER, we will wait on Him.
My husband has yet to recommit his life to the Lord, but I am praying daily, and seeking to be a good example (with the leading of the Holy Spirit).
We will hit many hard times in the future, I do not doubt, but I consider I am walking in a new way, Christ is most definitely at the helm and has blessed my marriage beyond any rational belief.
Thank you and GOD BLESS each person who prayed for me. I am truly humbled.

[Proinsias]

Wonderful news

[Byblos]

Wonderful news

Indeed.

[Danieltwotwenty]

Praise be to God forever and ever .

[mum1983]

Praise God! I'm so happy for you!

[Widge]

To each and every one of you who remembered me in prayer, even if you only as much as uttered my name or thought of me, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart..

Not long after I posted this request for advice re. my marriage, I experienced nothing short of a miracle. I cannot even explain to myself how this came about, so I do not know how to fully explain it here.

God heard the cries of my heart.. I had pleaded with the Holy Spirit to intercede for me and bring to God the great groanings of my heart, because I had ran out of steam and will.
VERY quickly, my sense of understanding and my ability to really "hear" my husband increased 100 fold. My husband was SUDDENLY attentive, and understanding of issues to which his ears were CLOSED for so long.
I have been pinching myself, because in the "real world" this change is NOT possible. It is the work of God and it is answered prayer, praise God.
I had been quietly considering divorce as an option, heartbreaking as this is to even contemplate.. God said "No".. He has plans for us, and TOGETHER, we will wait on Him.
My husband has yet to recommit his life to the Lord, but I am praying daily, and seeking to be a good example (with the leading of the Holy Spirit).
We will hit many hard times in the future, I do not doubt, but I consider I am walking in a new way, Christ is most definitely at the helm and has blessed my marriage beyond any rational belief.
Thank you and GOD BLESS each person who prayed for me. I am truly humbled.

NICE

[StMonicaGuideMe]

I am so, so thrilled for you! Pray and be a good Christian wife and he will find God in His own time. God bless you!