Great song. Thanks for sharingSoCalExile wrote:That's a damn good rant Melanie; I'm totally taking the term "churchianity".
I get more out of my own personal studies than I got out of the churches I've been to so far here. I'm not an overtly social person. I do have social needs but they are met in small, informal groups of familiar people. Large groups are doable as long as I can blend in and be anonymous. And I'm not taken in on formality or ceremony. Quite the opposite. Which is ironic considering I'm in the military.
I haven't been to this church before, but it is one of the biggest in my area with six different campuses and one more being planned. Someone that works with my wife suggested it.
About 20 years ago I had a home church; a Calvary Chapel, it was one of the bigger churches in my southern California town of about 150k, but it wasn't especially extravagant. I do not necessarily hold all their doctrinal views; but even then I felt out-of-place when in the pews...I just dealt with it. We moved away and since then I've been to other churches of varying denominations...even a Quaker one. Still feel the same way; but not to the point of doubting my faith over it. although, at CC and others I liked I was involved in the youth worship bands.
I stopped going to church after being kicked out of my Bible School and ostracized by my friends after knocking up my girlfriend and refusing the dean's demands that I marry her RFN. Which is ironic, because his school was known as a meat-market since most girls were there to do God's will by marrying a pastor. I married her a year after my daughter was born and we've been married 17 years now.
One of the things that I found soul-crushing in bible school was the thrice-weekly chapel sessions we had to attend...as if someone on stage could say something more profound than your daily studies of the Bible! Most of the time they browbeat us to be more devoted to God or tried to sell us on some event or something. I have found that in my walk it has not been the atheists or other religions that have caused me to question my faith the most....it's been the Christians. I don't believe I'm perfect, but it's God that changes me, and not the place of a human institution to expect me to change for God; because at that point I'm following the church and not God. I think this song sums up the attitude we should have as an example: https://youtu.be/8lykNsLdunU
I know what you mean, I am not taken by formality or ceremony either. I understand though that many people are, they feel comfort, a sense of Christian community and a closeness to God within in their church and that's great but I do not take away the same feelings from the experience. I have attended many different denominations and whilst I find some better than others I have never felt 'at home' or particularly at ease within institutionalised churches. I guess they just don't fulfill a need or desire within. I love to share with other believers and bring glory to God but in a less formal, conventional way.
I believe people should be free to build and express their relationship with The Almighty in a way that works for them, each and every one of us walking our own paths.
I have to agree with you in regards to other Christians being the biggest cause for you questioning your faith. I have experienced something similar. To be honest when I looked around me I didn't see people I wanted to associate with. Sounds harsh but it was true. It didn't feel authentic to me. I want real. It felt like such a charade of 'Sunday' best, with polite chit chat and shiny shoes but no depth. No one going against the status quo; if it was a Pentecostal church then jump around and speak in tongues and be 'slain' in the spirit up on stage when the stage master (pastor) gives the 'action' signal. You had better do it because if you don't then you don't really have the Holy Spirit.
Or other denominations where you repeat the same given repsonses, on queue, every week. Then eat cake and sip on tea.
Or the ones where I questioned what was being taught and it was made very clear that questioning 'the church' was not appropriate.
I was kicked out of Religious education when I was 13 and told I was going to hell for questioning too much. Conform, conform conform.
I am a bit of a rebel at heart, the only person I am going to surrender my will or my opinion and thoughts to are God. I do not need a church, pastor or belief statement to dictate to me how I should excercise my faith. That's mine. It's personal, it's between myself and my Father.
I did go through a time after I left the 'church' when I fumbled around a bit lost. Well it was many years and I was more than a little lost. I couldn't stand the hypocrisy within the church and I couldn't identify with others there, I even very stupidly stopped referring to myself as a christian and would call myself spiritual and a believer in Jesus. So it damaged my faith in the respect that I wanted to distance myself from the 'church' as a whole that I had grown up a part of but I didn't know how to seperate 'church' and personal faith. I had been taught that 'church' was my expression of faith.
It took many years and hitting some pretty bad lows before I grabbed hold of my faith again and this time defined it by building a personal relationship with our Father. I went back to church a couple times but nothing had changed there but I knew with some new found spiritual maturity that 'church' did not hold the key to my faith. I did. All I had to do was place all my love and faith in God and be willing to grow and love and learn. I felt a strength of faith that I had not felt before. Surrender. I just surrendered myself to Him. Not to church or doctrine but to my Creator and Saviour. I feel freedom from getting out from under the yoke of institutionalised religious doctrine. It took me some time to seperate the two but when I did, I realised how for me they never aligned anyway. Man relying on man not God. Church as authority not God.
If you find a church that suits you, that's awesome but don't feel like it should define your faith. It's hard to seperate 'church' and faith as its indoctrinated in us. If your a christian you show up on Sunday and do your christian duties. The only duty we have is faith. If 'church' doesn't suit you then don't sweat it, God doesn't need a building to go about His buisness.