Suicide

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:55 pm

RickD wrote:
Nessa wrote:
Mallz wrote:
hey is your name malcom?
lol no. Where did that come from?
mallz....malcom....
Hey Nessa,

Is your name David S. Stones?

oh look! its funnys cousin....not funny

Kurieuo · Post by **Kurieuo** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 3:43 pm

Nessa wrote:
Kurieuo wrote:Yes, I find it difficult turning my head to the left now because it feels strained.
Not that anyone really notices, but some people have probably felt snubbed because they sat on my left side at the table.
I just can't turn my head to the left like I can the right. Too much Stemetil and Panadol. Made my neck go all stiff and spasm when I was a teenager. Think it tore a muscle or something in my neck.

If you want to have a conversation with me at the table then you've got to sit on my right-hand side.
And if you sit on my left don't be offended if I don't talk to you as much as the person on my right.
In the last few months i have had neck spams and tightness when i turn my head to the right....so if i sit on your right i think we will both be ok to talk to each other without pain

but what the heck does that have to do with suicide? I kept waiting for the connection but it just never came

Let me highlight it for you.

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 4:33 pm

Are you saying you tried overdosing...

I thought you meant.. I dont know.. ugh

Edit: I mean to me that could of been just a prolonged period of use of those drugs. It didn't have to mean anything bad.

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 4:51 pm

I just looked up Stemetil.. its for nausea and vomiting or Psychiatric problems...

So the doctor obviously prescribed you that?

Kurieuo · Post by **Kurieuo** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 6:18 pm

Nessa wrote:I just looked up Stemetil.. its for nausea and vomiting or Psychiatric problems...

So the doctor obviously prescribed you that?

No, I just found them in the cupboard and took what I could.

But, that was a long time ago. It's given me a different perspective of death than what many have which is often quite imbalanced I think.

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 6:25 pm

So many questions.. but I will refrain.. THIS time

Kurieuo · Post by **Kurieuo** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 8:11 pm

Sorry, I guess some part of me enjoys being a little cryptic with my words.

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:03 pm

Nessa wrote:So many questions.. but I will refrain.. THIS time

ok not asking questions, for me , is like not breathing *gasp* so maybe just one little question....

what led up to the pill incident? what was your life like back then? what were you feeling? what happened afterward?

crud..thats four questions!

i need to practise...

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:04 pm

did anyone notice i just quoted myself?

Kurieuo · Post by **Kurieuo** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:52 pm

Nessa wrote:
Nessa wrote:So many questions.. but I will refrain.. THIS time
ok not asking questions, for me , is like not breathing *gasp* so maybe just one little question....

what led up to the pill incident?

I didn't want to play life.

Nessa wrote:what was your life like back then?

Alright, I mean there were issues I had to overcome as a child, OCD and the like...
but, I just thought it'd be much better being with God.

Selfish I suppose, but as described elsewhere, I just didn't like the world or want to be part of it.
There is only one way we can fully remove our self from the world.

Nessa wrote:what were you feeling? what happened afterward?

Feeling beforehand? That I didn't want to be one of those who thought about it and didn't do it.
The only thought was whether God would reject me for such an act, but I believed Christ had my back and would understand. So I was more concerned about that!
Understand it wasn't so much a question of why, but why not?

Afterward, I went to sleep the most peaceful I'd ever been.
Woke up sick as a dog puking my guts up. Mum saw the cabinet open, empty packets on the bench and put two and two together.
Took me to hospital and they wanted to commit me and place me under observation. Instead was able to she a family shrink.
My neck spasmed during the session, and my head just wanted to turn to the right. I was trying to force it to the left, but I couldn't.
Eventually given an injection that countered the effects.

That was all when I was 14 years old. So 20 something years on now...

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:08 pm

Kurieuo wrote:
Nessa wrote:
Nessa wrote:So many questions.. but I will refrain.. THIS time
ok not asking questions, for me , is like not breathing *gasp* so maybe just one little question....

what led up to the pill incident?
I didn't want to play life.9

Nessa wrote:what was your life like back then?
Alright, I mean there were issues I had to overcome as a child, OCD and the like...
but, I just thought it'd be much better being with God.

Selfish I suppose, but as described elsewhere, I just didn't like the world or want to be part of it.
There is only one way we can fully remove our self from the world.

Nessa wrote:what were you feeling? what happened afterward?
Feeling beforehand? That I didn't want to be one of those who thought about it and didn't do it.
The only thought was whether God would reject me for such an act, but I believed Christ had my back and would understand. So I was more concerned about that!
Understand it wasn't so much a question of why, but why not?

Afterward, I went to sleep the most peaceful I'd ever been.
Woke up sick as a dog puking my guts up. Mum saw the cabinet open, empty packets on the bench and put two and two together.
Took me to hospital and they wanted to commit me and place me under observation. Instead was able to she a family shrink.
My neck spasmed during the session, and my head just wanted to turn to the right. I was trying to force it to the left, but I couldn't.
Eventually given an injection that countered the effects.

That was all when I was 14 years old. So 20 something years on now...

what was the ocd like do you still struggle? my sister had or has that.....while i got the anxiety disorder...tho both are from the same tree i believe...just different branches

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:33 pm

https://youtu.be/OUOrfzySIQM

Kurieuo · Post by **Kurieuo** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 11:11 pm

Nessa wrote:https://youtu.be/OUOrfzySIQM

Overlooking your other questions for now (as limited time),

The blackness trying to overcome and pull at the person at 2:53 in...
I hold onto the hope that the reason Satan wanted me out of this world is because God has some big plan.
While I may minimise such with talk like it was "more a reason of why remain", clearly Satan wants us to be self-destructive.
For if we're not in the world then we're not longer a threat -- Satan would prefer you and me sidelined.
Clearly, taking a selfish approach to remove our self from the world isn't the best for Christ or others.

My desire to exit life took a turn when I read Paul's own similar desire. Philippians 1:21-25 --

21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. 23But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; 24yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. 25Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith

Nothing would please me more than the privilege to appropriately lay down my life for Christ as he did me.
Sometimes it feels hopeless. That's I'm a poor excuse of a Christian and should be doing something more.
I just pray when I depart from the world that I'll have done something great for Christ than living a mundane life, especially since that's kind of the reason I chose to live. Sounds all great right, but often I feel inadequate, hopeless and that I'm not living the life I should.

Right now, God's blessed me with a responsibility of family who I must attend to and raise right.
God's teaching me many weaknesses I didn't realise I had, teaching me what true love, self-sacrifice, patience and the like is.
I'm not a saint. Have many faults. Nonetheless I'm willing to die for Christ. But, I read that God is saying, "I know you're willing, but not yet son."

So I see in addition to being able to raise a family, God still is teaching me and preparing me for something.
At least I pray that's the case, and my life when I die will have evidenced such.

neo-x · Post by **neo-x** » Wed Jul 22, 2015 12:06 am

I think people who commit suicides are just as beautiful or broken as the rest of us. They just couldn't ride it out, all the more is the pity.

Nessa · Post by **Nessa** » Wed Jul 22, 2015 12:11 am

Kurieuo wrote:
Nothing would please me more than the privilege to appropriately lay down my life for Christ as he did me.
Sometimes it feels hopeless. That's I'm a poor excuse of a Christian and should be doing something more.
I just pray when I depart from the world that I'll have done something great for Christ than living a mundane life, especially since that's kind of the reason I chose to live. Sounds all great right, but often I feel inadequate, hopeless and that I'm not living the life I should

Yep..know exactly what you mean..sigh..
https://youtu.be/Hp6Qh-wT3ys

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