New Dad jitters...

[cslewislover]

Wow, I'm sorry this is going badly right now. I don't know about the laws there. Even if you're not married, it seems like you may have some paternal rights. I would look into it! I'm sure you do, but I don't know about the name part. They call my son by his middle name at his school, since there's another Zak in the class and my Zak started after him. It's funny to hear my son being called Roy, which was my dad's name. I'll pray for you.

[Proinsias]

Might be worth being as nice as pie over the name choice and working towards a middle name which carries your approval. If the kid is as unimpressed as your are with the choice of name he can go with middle one when he's older. I think the situation in regards to father's rights here are pretty bleak - attempting friendship based on mutual love for the kid will probably get you much more than the legal system will.

My friend, who is in a committed relationship, has just had a baby boy with his girlfriend/partner. She picked the name Sorley . He doesn't like the name, shocker, but seems to be of the opinion that happy families are more important than names.

I have a friend called Ruhan, everyone calls him Ru, including his mum to my knowledge. I think it's quite cool. Could work for this. If she's trying to control the situation, let her. Offer support and acknowledge she is in control, there's still a long while to go. I'd opt for suggesting she have a few names on hand and not settling on one for definite until she is holding the new baby boy. We had a few names on hand when Abigail was born, none of them was Abigail. She just looked like an Abigail and an hour after the birth we both decided that we had no choice but to go with it - it came from nowhere.

[DannyM]

Thanks again to everybody but I've decided to walk away. Shocking I know, but I will not be treated as an irrelevance to the life of my child. I have been told that by mum's dad that I have very few rights as a father since I "wanted an abortion". I have this so-called Christian family now believing the lies of their poisonous daughter. I'm afraid my instincts are to either go around to their houses and create complete and utter mayhem or, and thankfully the instinct I shall go with, let them all get on with it. I'll be nobody's doormat.

Thanks again and please by all means pray for mum and Jimmy's health. Jimmy is my name for my son.

May God have mercy on me for this.

[Byblos]

Thanks again to everybody but I've decided to walk away. Shocking I know, but I will not be treated as an irrelevance to the life of my child. I have been told that by mum's dad that I have very few rights as a father since I "wanted an abortion". I have this so-called Christian family now believing the lies of their poisonous daughter. I'm afraid my instincts are to either go around to their houses and create complete and utter mayhem or, and thankfully the instinct I shall go with, let them all get on with it. I'll be nobody's doormat.

Thanks again and please by all means pray for mum and Jimmy's health. Jimmy is my name for my son.

May God have mercy on me for this.

Obviously we don't all know the circumstances and the details of what transpired but it just seems like you're giving up too easily Danny. Please forgive me for this, I don't mean it as a put-down but out of brotherly love and concern. Do you not think you will regret this decision down the road? I think you will. It makes no difference what anyone says or believes about you or your motives. What matters is that you have a lawful right as the father of this child to be intimately involved in his life. But it can't happen unless you make a conscious decision and a concerted effort to fight for this right.

But then again, like I said, I am not privy to all the details so it's easy for me to sit back and pontificate. I am certain you have given this a great deal of thought. I pray that you also have considered all alternatives and avenues, and most importantly, that you can live with whatever decision you make.

God bless you and watch over your son. If there's anything any of us can do here or privately, please do not hesitate to call upon us.

John.

[zoegirl]

I would tend to agree with Byblos, only in the sense that you want to be there for your son and if be being as non-confrontational as possible would help that final goal then "a gentle answer turns away wrath", or at least keeps it at bay while you perhaps get to visit your son...their being idiotic but even if they are idiotic you would like to be able to see him...

DId she hope for marriage? Is she resentful? What are the rights that they are denying you?

And have you checked out your actual rights? Maybe there are rights to visitation. (especially in you are providing financial support). I certainly don't know, but if you are willing to support then I would think you have some level of rights to see and be with him...

[DannyM]

Thanks again to everybody but I've decided to walk away. Shocking I know, but I will not be treated as an irrelevance to the life of my child. I have been told that by mum's dad that I have very few rights as a father since I "wanted an abortion". I have this so-called Christian family now believing the lies of their poisonous daughter. I'm afraid my instincts are to either go around to their houses and create complete and utter mayhem or, and thankfully the instinct I shall go with, let them all get on with it. I'll be nobody's doormat.

Thanks again and please by all means pray for mum and Jimmy's health. Jimmy is my name for my son.

May God have mercy on me for this.

Obviously we don't all know the circumstances and the details of what transpired but it just seems like you're giving up too easily Danny. Please forgive me for this, I don't mean it as a put-down but out of brotherly love and concern. Do you not think you will regret this decision down the road? I think you will. It makes no difference what anyone says or believes about you or your motives. What matters is that you have a lawful right as the father of this child to be intimately involved in his life. But it can't happen unless you make a conscious decision and a concerted effort to fight for this right.

But then again, like I said, I am not privy to all the details so it's easy for me to sit back and pontificate. I am certain you have given this a great deal of thought. I pray that you also have considered all alternatives and avenues, and most importantly, that you can live with whatever decision you make.

God bless you and watch over your son. If there's anything any of us can do here or privately, please do not hesitate to call upon us.

John.

Thanks John. I know it looks irrational and a knee-jerk reaction, but I have friends who have had to put with this and it has only got worse for them; one friend hanged himself because the mother of his daughter and her family were determined to block him from seeing her at every turn. I have never known it to get any easier or amicable when a woman starts out in the manner in which my ex has. And it is not just the naming of the child; there are other things that have happened. I was afraid that this was going to be 'one of those' women, and now I have had it confirmed to me in the most despicable detail. Lies, deceit, and the baby isn't even born yet. I freely admit I'm not a very good Christian. I don't revel in it, I just accept it. I try to do good, then I do bad. The badness always comes through in the end.

Thanks though mate, and God bless.

[DannyM]

I would tend to agree with Byblos, only in the sense that you want to be there for your son and if be being as non-confrontational as possible would help that final goal then "a gentle answer turns away wrath", or at least keeps it at bay while you perhaps get to visit your son...their being idiotic but even if they are idiotic you would like to be able to see him...

DId she hope for marriage? Is she resentful? What are the rights that they are denying you?

And have you checked out your actual rights? Maybe there are rights to visitation. (especially in you are providing financial support). I certainly don't know, but if you are willing to support then I would think you have some level of rights to see and be with him...

I have to apply to the courts for Parental Responsibility (PR) for my rights to be included in decision-making - one of those listed is the naming of the child; I knew it wasn't right that she could do that! But I have been told this could take a long time, so I might be too late with that particular issue. Without mum's agreement on me having PR I have to take this route. So I am now witnessing the lie machine of a solitary female in full swing. Biggest mistake I made was mentioning new girlfriend. Tried being all honest about it, all open, and it got me here. Anyway, job done now, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

God bless

[cslewislover]

I'm sorry things are so awful. What was mom's motive in all this to begin with, anyway??? Was she trying to find a husband? Did she just want another child? It's weird and unfortunate. Anyway, I'm glad you can get some legal help with this. Otherwise, please think of the child. If the child doesn't have a dad, he's going to feel bad about that. He'll wonder why, and probably develop a bad attitude about dads or men, and so himself perhaps, too. I have a nephew who's dad was forced to leave the family when he was very young. It was probably a better choice among choices, though (his dad was a drug-selling immigrant here - his wife finally got a restraining order and divorce, and he was deported). The boy's mom had to work full-time, and was not demonstrative, so he wondered if she loved him. So his dad is gone, he questions the love of one parent, and it's all just very sad! He's a young adult now, and has just been under suicide watch.

[DannyM]

I'm sorry things are so awful. What was mom's motive in all this to begin with, anyway??? Was she trying to find a husband? Did she just want another child? It's weird and unfortunate. Anyway, I'm glad you can get some legal help with this. Otherwise, please think of the child. If the child doesn't have a dad, he's going to feel bad about that. He'll wonder why, and probably develop a bad attitude about dads or men, and so himself perhaps, too. I have a nephew who's dad was forced to leave the family when he was very young. It was probably a better choice among choices, though (his dad was a drug-selling immigrant here - his wife finally got a restraining order and divorce, and he was deported). The boy's mom had to work full-time, and was not demonstrative, so he wondered if she loved him. So his dad is gone, he questions the love of one parent, and it's all just very sad! He's a young adult now, and has just been under suicide watch.

Just looked at this thread again. I feel guilty for not responding to your post at the time. I have been trying to block all thoughts about this. But I feel bad for not coming on and just saying this to you back then. I didn't mean to be rude in any way.

Thank you Vicki

[zoegirl]

Haven't heard from you in awhile. Any updates?

[Kurieuo]

I'm chiming in a bit late, but you owe it to that child to do everything in your power to be there for them. Regardless of what anyone else thinks or says, you should be blameless before yourself and God in knowing you did everything you could.

God forbid in years to come when your child is older they would ever be justified in saying their biological father didn't give a damn and walked out on them. If you need counselling to get some handle on things, seek out a good Christian counsellor. Your local Christian church of denomination preference could probably recommend some.

Otherwise, very disheartening to hear and you are definitely on my mind when I pray.

[DannyM]

Thanks all for your thpughts and prayers. Still fighting against a scorned woman, bitter and twisted and prepared to use the unborn child as a weapon. Boy is due Sept. 30.

God bless my wonderful Christian brothers and sisters on these forums.

[Kurieuo]

Thanks all for your thpughts and prayers. Still fighting against a scorned woman, bitter and twisted and prepared to use the unborn child as a weapon. Boy is due Sept. 30.

God bless my wonderful Christian brothers and sisters on these forums.

Thanks for the update! I pray everything does work out for you somehow.

[robyn hill]

Danny,
Try not to be angry with the mom. Yes, she is not being rational, yes, women can be that way as our emotions and hormones can lead us sometimes. Keep in mind that MANY things will change over the course of the next year. The gentler you are, the more the mom will eventually bend in your direction. You do have parental rights so keep pursuing those. Remember, you remaining calm through this will certainly be more benifical to your child than him having two parents reacting out of anger. Of course, I understand your frustration, but remember when you feel it, don't let it control you, you control it! Pray about it, give it to God. You are such an amazing person and have helped me a time or two on here, I would hate to see that amazing potential father traded to anger and bitterness. Forget that, you are better than that. I will of course pray for you, Danny. Hang in there, you are an amazing person and have so much passion. I can relate to this because I tend to feel very passionately too. But I have had to pray about it for myself lately because sometimes my passion leads to blinders on my eyes and heart. I have had to learn to curtail it, otherwise, I am like a snowball that gathers momentum and can't stop. I pray about it alot! It's like God has given me a gift but just like any gift from God, if we put it before God, it can lead us to self-absorbtion and becomes the enemies playground. Keep us updated...you always remind me of one of God's greatest soldiers!

[DannyM]

Robyn,

Thank you for those sobering words. You're a true shining & guiding light in this murky affair. I've really taken on board what you have said.

God bless you

Danny