Just joined up. Nice forum. My husband and I thought we were saved in our teens. We have recently come to the conclusion that up until a few weeks ago, we were no such thing. Following a head injury that gave me all too vivid visions of hell, I lost all peace. Following a rather miraculous healing from liver disease after prayers from real believers, I had more questions than answers. And still, the terror of hell persisted.
In our early twenties, we attended Tetelestai along with Johanna Michaelson whose book, "The Beautiful Side of Evil", had a major impact on me. I thought I had renounced the witchcraft, the Ouija boards, the pagan crapola. But no ...
Tho I burned my Tarot cards and wore a cross, I was still listening to heavy metal, allowing demons to influence my artwork, my writing and my career, indulging in Harry Potter and werewolf idiocy, gossiping, name-calling, hating my neighbour who does (did) drugs and threw loud parties on weeknights, making an idol of my dog, obsessing over the paranormal (because hey, Ryan Bueller uses a cross, so it must be okay, right?) and practicing Feng Shui, etc. I thought I was a Christian. But I was basically allowing Satan to enter my home, influence my mind/activities and run my life. If I had died that day, it would've been more than a vision of hell for me— it would've been eternity.
When I actually made a list of all my occultic involvements or activities to renounce, it was two college-ruled notebook pages, front and back. Yikes!!
Unable to cope with insomnia, anxiety, conviction and certainty of hell, I began reading the Bible day and night, begging for salvation and forgiveness of my sins— which are legion. I have a pretty heavy occultic past, and our home is full of remnants of it. (Perhaps I will elaborate at some point.) My husband also began reading his Bible, and recommitted his life to Christ, to God's will, to obedience no matter what. We have spent the past few weeks "cleaning house". That is, we dumped about 95% of our extensive CD and DVD libraries, hundreds of self-hypnosis / paraliminal / etc. tapes, cleared entire bookshelves, and I've probably destroyed about 1/3 of my past 15 years of art. Collections are gone. Clothing and movies posters with logos for lovely little movies like "Ghostrider" (which my husband worked on) are gone or on their way out. Yesterday, I tore up autographed photos and destroyed backstage passes from my heavy metal *friends* that I probably could've sold for thou$ands on eBay. It's been an interesting month!!
It's also been a lot like peeling an onion skin. Every time I think I've got it all, the Lord convicts me of something else. Examples include: Q. Should I really be watching 2.5 Men, a show that glorifies fornication, drinking to excess and other perversions? A. No. Even if the jokes are funny, NO. And the Steve Wilkos show probably isn't the best use of my time, either. Q. Do I need to renounce my certification as a Reconnective Healer even tho I have seen miracles and know it works? A. Yes. Hell yes. My teacher received his instruction and *gift* (which he passed on to me and others) from a psychic and it was confirmed through channeling. Deep dark stuff. Q. Is it worth an eternity in hell or the constant torment of demons to hang on to physical possessions that are beautiful, valuable and representative of things that are totally against the one true living God who's going to judge me someday? A. Not only NO, but hell no.
I am currently in full study mode at least three hours a day, and looking for a church to attend. This looks like a good forum. I thought I'd introduce myself. I made some really good friends on my dog forum. Perhaps I can make some here as well now that I've turned my life over to God— for real this time!!