heaven's capacity problem
Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 11:20 am
Three men all die on the same day and come to the Pearly Gates and meet St. Peter.
"Greetings, gentlemen. We have been expecting you. Now, all three of you have earned your mansion in heaven, but right now we're having a bit of a capacity problem. All of you will get your mansions eventually, but for right now we can only take one of you. In the meantime, two of you will just get a penthouse suite in one of our luxury condos. Is that acceptable?"
All three men look at each other and nod in agreement.
St. Peter continues, "Ok, to determine which one of you gets in today, we will need to hear stories of how you died and the one with the worst death gets to come in first. Agreed?" Again, three nods. "Ok, you sir will go first."
The first man comes up and relates his story. "I was coming home from work early one day to my 10th story condo and I knew my wife was cheating on me, I just knew it. I just hadn't caught her in the act yet. I walk in my door, and hear my wife in the shower. But then I smelled him. His cologne. I searched all over the condo but couldn't find him! But I knew he was there! Frantic, I go out on the balcony and see this guy hanging on to the railing! I knew it was him! I tried to pry his fingers off but it didn't work. So I run in and get a hammer and just wail away at his fingers and he finally lets go! But, he fell into some bushes down below and the sucker was still alive! So I run back in, unplug my fridge which was right by the door, and haul it over the side. Bullseye! He's toast. Unfortunately for me, I leaned over too far when I tossed the fridge and I soon landed upon it. And that's how I died."
St. Peter cringed. "Wow, that's gonna take something spectacular to top that. Ok, you're next"
The second man: "I was exercising on my 11th story balcony of my condo this afternoon when a huge gust of wind blew my sweat towel over the railing. As I reached for it, I reached too far and started falling. Luckily, I was able to grab the railing of the balcony below me. I was hanging there, yelling for help. This guy comes out, and I think to myself 'I'm saved!' but instead he starts to pull my hands off the rail! I struggle with him for a minute, and then he leaves. I thought 'Whew. Dodged a bullet there.' But then, he comes back with a hammer and starts wailing away at my fingers! The pain was too much and I had to let go. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and they saved my life. Just as I got up to get some help, I look up and see a fridge falling on top of me. And that's how I died.
Again, St. Peter, aghast, "Wow. I'd say you're ahead of gentlemen number one. Ok number three, let's hear it."
The last man starts, "Imagine hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."
"Greetings, gentlemen. We have been expecting you. Now, all three of you have earned your mansion in heaven, but right now we're having a bit of a capacity problem. All of you will get your mansions eventually, but for right now we can only take one of you. In the meantime, two of you will just get a penthouse suite in one of our luxury condos. Is that acceptable?"
All three men look at each other and nod in agreement.
St. Peter continues, "Ok, to determine which one of you gets in today, we will need to hear stories of how you died and the one with the worst death gets to come in first. Agreed?" Again, three nods. "Ok, you sir will go first."
The first man comes up and relates his story. "I was coming home from work early one day to my 10th story condo and I knew my wife was cheating on me, I just knew it. I just hadn't caught her in the act yet. I walk in my door, and hear my wife in the shower. But then I smelled him. His cologne. I searched all over the condo but couldn't find him! But I knew he was there! Frantic, I go out on the balcony and see this guy hanging on to the railing! I knew it was him! I tried to pry his fingers off but it didn't work. So I run in and get a hammer and just wail away at his fingers and he finally lets go! But, he fell into some bushes down below and the sucker was still alive! So I run back in, unplug my fridge which was right by the door, and haul it over the side. Bullseye! He's toast. Unfortunately for me, I leaned over too far when I tossed the fridge and I soon landed upon it. And that's how I died."
St. Peter cringed. "Wow, that's gonna take something spectacular to top that. Ok, you're next"
The second man: "I was exercising on my 11th story balcony of my condo this afternoon when a huge gust of wind blew my sweat towel over the railing. As I reached for it, I reached too far and started falling. Luckily, I was able to grab the railing of the balcony below me. I was hanging there, yelling for help. This guy comes out, and I think to myself 'I'm saved!' but instead he starts to pull my hands off the rail! I struggle with him for a minute, and then he leaves. I thought 'Whew. Dodged a bullet there.' But then, he comes back with a hammer and starts wailing away at my fingers! The pain was too much and I had to let go. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and they saved my life. Just as I got up to get some help, I look up and see a fridge falling on top of me. And that's how I died.
Again, St. Peter, aghast, "Wow. I'd say you're ahead of gentlemen number one. Ok number three, let's hear it."
The last man starts, "Imagine hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."
