Struggling with my commitment/willingness
Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:23 pm
Hello all,
I'm 17 years old, and I started following God around New Year's time of this year. I shared the same beliefs as Jesus (from a moral standpoint), and had no problem surrendering myself to Him. I didn't become a Christian on New Year's Day, but that's when I started chasing Him.
However, these past few days I've been struggling with that surrendering.
I recently took on a leadership role at my Church, and we had our first meeting this morning and we talked about what Jesus wants out of leaders as opposed to the earthly view of what a leader should be. When we talked about that, I started wondering to myself if this is what I should be doing. I mean, I'm still a relatively new believer and I might be trying to spiritually grow up faster than I can handle. That's what I thought during the meeting.
I'm also in a bit of an uncomfortable position with my family. My parents are getting a divorce. They've filed for divorce and all that, but it isn't official yet. My dad lives with his mom down the street, and I live with my mom and older brother. The thing is, they're not officially divorced, however, my mom has a boyfriend and my dad has a girlfriend. They're both committing adultery. I'm not judging them - that's for God to do - but I am a bit uncomfortable considering I just recently became a Christian, and now I'm in the middle of this whole double-adultery thing.
I'm also behind in my school work. I'm going to be a senior in high school this year, but I'm so behind that I'm not sure if I'm going to graduate this year or not, especially with everything going on.
And I'm also selling my house. And it gets annoying with constantly having to leave my house for showings and all that. I know that's actually nothing, but with everything else going on, it adds up stress-wise.
There's other stuff too, but what I'm getting at here is just... I'm already very overwhelmed so soon after becoming a Christian, and it's getting to the point where I can't seem to have fun without thinking God wants me to be doing something else. This has caused my willingness to suffer, and my sinful habits are picking up again.
Isn't life still meant to be fun? Why is God overwhelming me so soon when He wants my availability more than my ability? Is it wrong of me to question him in this way? Would God hold it against me if I can't handle some of the stuff going on in my life?
Sorry for so many questions. Like I said I'm just overwhelmed by how suddenly this is all happening, especially the leadership thing, and need to get some stuff off my chest. Just looking for some help.
I'm 17 years old, and I started following God around New Year's time of this year. I shared the same beliefs as Jesus (from a moral standpoint), and had no problem surrendering myself to Him. I didn't become a Christian on New Year's Day, but that's when I started chasing Him.
However, these past few days I've been struggling with that surrendering.
I recently took on a leadership role at my Church, and we had our first meeting this morning and we talked about what Jesus wants out of leaders as opposed to the earthly view of what a leader should be. When we talked about that, I started wondering to myself if this is what I should be doing. I mean, I'm still a relatively new believer and I might be trying to spiritually grow up faster than I can handle. That's what I thought during the meeting.
I'm also in a bit of an uncomfortable position with my family. My parents are getting a divorce. They've filed for divorce and all that, but it isn't official yet. My dad lives with his mom down the street, and I live with my mom and older brother. The thing is, they're not officially divorced, however, my mom has a boyfriend and my dad has a girlfriend. They're both committing adultery. I'm not judging them - that's for God to do - but I am a bit uncomfortable considering I just recently became a Christian, and now I'm in the middle of this whole double-adultery thing.
I'm also behind in my school work. I'm going to be a senior in high school this year, but I'm so behind that I'm not sure if I'm going to graduate this year or not, especially with everything going on.
And I'm also selling my house. And it gets annoying with constantly having to leave my house for showings and all that. I know that's actually nothing, but with everything else going on, it adds up stress-wise.
There's other stuff too, but what I'm getting at here is just... I'm already very overwhelmed so soon after becoming a Christian, and it's getting to the point where I can't seem to have fun without thinking God wants me to be doing something else. This has caused my willingness to suffer, and my sinful habits are picking up again.
Isn't life still meant to be fun? Why is God overwhelming me so soon when He wants my availability more than my ability? Is it wrong of me to question him in this way? Would God hold it against me if I can't handle some of the stuff going on in my life?
Sorry for so many questions. Like I said I'm just overwhelmed by how suddenly this is all happening, especially the leadership thing, and need to get some stuff off my chest. Just looking for some help.