Pumpkin Eater wrote:Thanks for the reply cslewislover, I guess I phrased it a little odd.
What I mean to express is the love, or joy that one gets from being a christian. Where is it supposed to come from - knowledge or God himself? Does it come from the feeling of being saved? - or perhaps the feeling that the creator of the universe loves you?
I know these things in my head, but for some reason they don't have the impact on me that they do on other people, mainly my christian peers. I just feel like I'm missing something in my life.
I've been struggling with drinking for a while now. I go to Penn State University, and it's always been a temptation to me. The first half of the semester I was abusing alcohol and getting drunk with different clubs I'm involved in. I would go to the socials every week, and go out to parties on weekends as well. I had grown up as a christian, so i had always known this was wrong, but I never had the will power to stop it. If everyone found out that I drank, the christians I am friends with would be upset. The people who look up to me would be lost, and my relationships with everyone around me would change. About 3 weeks ago I had my last drink, and I have been going pretty strong since then, but I don't think that it's enough. I continue to be tempted by the friends I have who parties, and I still long for the community that they provided. Why is this a problem?
My struggle is a mystery to me. Isn't this feeling supposed to be suppressed by God's generous love? Shouldn't I long for him above any sin? I shouldn't really desire to sin like that anymore, especially if I have such strong reasoning to not drink. But I always come close to breaking that bond, pretty much every week.
Thanks so much
In Him
Two things:
1. If by "feeling God's love" they are referring to some particularly deep religious experience--some mystical (I use that in the proper sense of the word, and in no way derogatorily) encounter with God--then let it just be. It's a good thing, sure. But people of ALL religions report such experiences, of feeling the benevolance of a higher or supreme being. What are we as Christians to say when a Muslim or Hindu tells us that he has "felt God's love"? Are we to challenge him and say that his experiences aren't real? Do that, and you get yourself into a LOT of trouble over what makes
our experiences so different. And if we recognize that all people have, or can have, such experiences, regardless of their faith, then we must recognize "feeling God's love" isn't something that comes from having a proper theology or faith.
In short, such experiences can be good and comforting, but as they aren't necessarily tied to Truth (that is, a proper view of God), they are no indicator of the success or lackthereof of your own Christian walk. In that, you can take heart, because if you have had such experiences, good for you. And if you haven't, then there is no concern, because it doesn't mean that your walk is any better or worse than anyone else's.
2. Experiences are absolutely attached to emotion. That's why coldly analytical people have a more difficult time with them than emotionally oriented people. In your case, I could perhaps guess there were (are?) some feelings of guilt over your lifestyle. Perhaps another emotion comes into play in your last words. If you are trying to earn God's favor by "living right", you are bound to feel like the boy or girl who are always trying to earn the approval of their parents. In such cases, they always, almost without exception, end up feeling frustrated.
The key is to feel
secure in your relationship with God. If you are busy feeling condemned (either consciously or subconsiously) then you are never going to feel "loved." If you feel you have to earn God's love, then you will find yourself in one of two places, depending on your personality.
a) People with "compliant" or "religious" natures are likely to fall headlong into the trap of pride. Convincing themselves that they actually have earned God's approval, they will judge others by the standard that they live. Such a life necessarily involves downplaying one's own fault and becoming judgmental of others.
b) People with "rebellious" or "introspective" natures are likely to fall headlong into the trap of self-revulsion. Seeing their sin for what it is, and realizing that they can never be "good enough" before God, they begin to condemn themselves. Such a life necessarily leads to more and more frustration and depression.
Both of these problems can be overcome by recognizing that you ARE saved if you have believed the Gospel. Rather than go into detail, let me link you to a very short, true story, written a long time ago by a well known evangelist named J. Wilbur Chapman.
Are You a Christian?
God bless