When Thanksgiving goes wrong...

[ageofknowledge]

So I cook this dinner for my mother and my sister tonight. They spend about an hour running down my father's sins in detail gloating over his every failure and bad habit like they usually do. I haven't heard them say anything positive about him in maybe 10 years or so. I point out to my sister that she has completely cut off all contact for the past 10 years from our father and has every intention of staying alienated from him until the day he dies. I also point out that my mother coenables this behavior by talking bad about him every chance she gets and psychologically affecting my sister against him. Well.. telling the truth hits nerves. Screaming red faced mother telling me to get out of the house and go live with him in my arthritic state (he's too poor to have me) and sister is in complete denial accusing me of being an aggressive fight starting.. well you name it who ruined dinner and that's why she never comes over. I maintained my cool and pointed out that I wasn't accusing anyone of anything merely pointing out the obvious. They are both in denial of it and highly sensitized to the point of extreme emotion screaming at me and calling me names over simply pointing out two little observations but yet will happily talk [poop] about him for hours on end for years every single time they get together. I guess I just had enough of listening to them run down my dad even if he's not perfect. Pray I don't get kicked out into the cold over it.

[cslewislover]

Why are they so obsessed with talking about him over and over for so so so long?? That would be so awful not to move on. Will keep you in prayer.

[ageofknowledge]

Yes it's really bad CS. My dad's a manipulator and took money from my mother in bad deals long ago repeatedly and she divorced him and hates the guy and has a lot of bitterness toward him which she passed on to my sister but he's not all bad. He did become a Christian and I see how he loves Jesus today and I've seen changes in his life now for a long time. He still has that manipulative behavior and tendency but it's offset quite a bit now.

The real problem is the raw undiluted hate and bitterness my mother has for him and my sister has completely bought into that. I'm in the middle.. no man's land and have been since age thirteen two years before they divorced. I don't even think they talked the last year of their marriage. She may have been cheating on him that last year as well.

Tonight as I sat there playing along with my mother's and sister's game of running him down I realized there was not a flicker of love or humanity in them for him. Zero. It was pitch black ice cold. And after all these years of being a chamelon pretending I was like them I just couldn't do it anymore. So I told the truth. Raw screaming in my face immediately developed and I was called every terrible name you could think of within seconds of pointing the truth out to them. I didn't back down. That's when I was told I could leave. They are that crazy and emotionally spun by simply pointing out the bankruptcy they have in themselves for this man.

I wasn't mad or anything. Actually I feel great. Maybe a little fearful at the violent emotional reaction of my mother. I don't know why she's so crazy insane. I think it's just telling the truth after all these years and not backing down. I'm not Mr. Perfect and there was, of course, a better way to go about it rather than being direct and telling them they demonize him every chance they get so I asked God to give grace to the situation for my imperfections as well.

I prayed pretty hard afterwards. I don't start a prayer and then not finish it anymore. I pray through. I prayed asking God to come down and be between us. All four: Mother, father, sister, and me no matter what. I told God I saw how much he loved each of us and how he knew the good and bad in each of us but how this family war is a loser and has to end. I can't take it anymore. There should be a civility or humanity of some kind toward each other. Wise as serpents yes but not hateful. I asked God to bring change so the pitch black coldness could at least have a flicker of humanity for one another mixed with the wisdom to manage each other for the good of each other rather than live alienated flesh against flesh in perpetual spiritual and emotional war violently emotionally raging against each other mother against father with the children as pawns like it's been for over thirty years.

It's been a lot to take and I'm through with it. I can't take it anymore. I hope I don't have to live in my truck as a result. I don't think so but around here one never knows for sure. COME Lord Jesus bring peace to my mother, father, sister and me. Amen.

Most people couldn't take it I don't think.

[Gabrielman]

Wow that is really messed up! That reminds me of my family warring against one another when my mom died, and over money of all thing! They didn't care that she suffered a horrible death, they just wanted money out of it. They said that we should cry so much when we were at the funeral, and they told my dad to just suck it up. I somehow got mixed up in all of it had to pick sides. If I chose my uncles side I would not have a place to live, if I chose my step fathers side, I would lose my only blood family and a brother.... I wish there was more I could do to help Paul... I can't say I completely understand your pain, but I know the fear of being kicked out. I wanted to reconsile the family, and that didn't go well at all and that is all I will say about that. I am lucky to live with my dad... I will pray for you, and I hope so much that God hears me and helps you! You need it big time. God bless you!

[cslewislover]

Yes, that's so awful Paul; they should see how harmful their hanging on to anger and hate is to themselves. I will keep praying.

Nathaniel, I'm so sorry your family had the "sides" thing going. That is so terrible for you. I can't believe how people get when people die and there's any money or property involved. I have seen it, how they just can't seem to be fair; it's so so so strange.

[ageofknowledge]

Well somehow everything worked out. Not sure how though. My paperwork for Remecade is going through at this time. If I get approved, I'll be able to get off methotrexate onto something better.

I bought 6 tickets for the lottery but my numbers didn't work. The pot is up to $118 million dollars and I can't afford to play it now. I'm so poor I only got the one chance.

My 2nd cousins won it a few years ago but they just look at me deforming and ignore it because its not their problem. Their choices are different than mine would be but they won so it is their call.

God grant me the courage to change the things I can and accept the things I cannot change.

[Byblos]

God grant me the courage to change the things I can and accept the things I cannot change.

That's the ticket.

[zoegirl]

They might keep you on both at first....at least they did that with me at first, with mercaptopurine and Remicade

[ageofknowledge]

Even though I'm sick with severe arthritis and severe reflux that keeps me feeling like crapola 24 hours a day, I'm going to an interview with the state EDD department. Apparently my high scores and veteran's preference points kicked in.

I'll have to work around a bunch of homosexuals, feminists, and racist mexicans who spend hours trying to make me feel guilty about what the white man has done to them (ignoring all the crime Mexicans have wreaked on whites in my neighborhoods over the years stealing, breaking into the houses when they aren't home, selling drugs on the corner to their kids, gangs, etc...) which will suck but I'm willing to try it if they'll hire me.

I need prayer for all of this obviously.

[Byblos]

Even though I'm sick with severe arthritis and severe reflux that keeps me feeling like crapola 24 hours a day, I'm going to an interview with the state EDD department. Apparently my high scores and veteran's preference points kicked in.

I'll have to work around a bunch of homosexuals, feminists, and racist mexicans who spend hours trying to make me feel guilty about what the white man has done to them (ignoring all the crime Mexicans have wreaked on whites in my neighborhoods over the years stealing, breaking into the houses when they aren't home, selling drugs on the corner to their kids, gangs, etc...) which will suck but I'm willing to try it if they'll hire me.

I need prayer for all of this obviously.

I hope and pray everything works out for you Paul. Keep us posted.

[cslewislover]

Even though I'm sick with severe arthritis and severe reflux that keeps me feeling like crapola 24 hours a day, I'm going to an interview with the state EDD department. Apparently my high scores and veteran's preference points kicked in.

I'll have to work around a bunch of homosexuals, feminists, and racist mexicans who spend hours trying to make me feel guilty about what the white man has done to them (ignoring all the crime Mexicans have wreaked on whites in my neighborhoods over the years stealing, breaking into the houses when they aren't home, selling drugs on the corner to their kids, gangs, etc...) which will suck but I'm willing to try it if they'll hire me.

I need prayer for all of this obviously.

Lol. Ok. Did you hear about the guy that got and killed by the police at the Anaheim Walmart? That will probably be investigated for quite some time . . .

[ageofknowledge]

Yes I did. The police are trigger happy in Southern California. A lot of them want a kill for the prestige it brings. A guy I know named Alex who runs a famous streetgangs site was in Los Angeles a year or two ago and video taped the police shooting an unarmed black man who crashed his car into a tree and started running when the police all pulled out their pistols on him. He was facing them hands up to show he had no weapons and got scared and ran off. As he was running he made the mistake of playing like he was shooting an invisible gun at them. He obviously thought they were going to chase him. Instead, they drilled him numerous times in the back killing him dead. It's a lot more common than the press reports. Check it out on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7vSubdUyQA

It's not the good old days. It's post-911 gangster nation days. You don't act right, you could very well get killed by law enforcement depending on the circumstances and what's going on at the moment. I think it makes things safer to be honest and I do like it safer. But it's a far cry from the John Wayne California I grew up in. When the gangs really got out of control in the early 80's is when personal liberty got tossed out the window and law enforcement became all business. The prison population mushroomed. It is what it is. You can't blame the police for doing what they are told to do. You have to blame the perps for the crime and the people for voting in politicians that conenabled a fatherless welfare mentality amongst blacks and flooded the country with tens of millions of the poorest, most ignorant, and crime prone legal and illegal immigrants Latin America had to offer. Even when the immigrants themselves were upstanding their kids very often were not. Watch Gangland sometime. I've been in those places and seen it first hand. It's scary and ugly.

Anyways, I'm serious about the prayer. I don't like latinos or blacks much because of the gangster nonsense I've had to endure for decades from them. They never messed with me after I got older though because I used to have guns, and I fought so I had a reputation, and I hung around with a lot of young white men that did as well. So they left us alone and we carved out our neighborhood and held it for years though we were surrounded. Then I got saved and gradually left those neighborhoods. But I saw all the evil they did and have bitterness for them about the people they robbed and assaulted and killed.

Anyways, that's all in the past and I don't live in those neighborhoods anymore and don't have to fight to survive or surround myself with tough white youth.. lol. I'm poor, sick, and old now and have to find a way to put it all behind me but I struggle with my feelings. I lived through a lot and want to blame them for so much that's wrong with the country. But I realize white racists are just as bad. I've had discussions with some of them and they are evil too.

So I just want to live a Christian life and have a job that doesn't give me freaking conniptions. I am involved with a Christian recovery group and will be going through a step study in the near future. Some prayer would be appreciated for all this. Thank you.