Churches
Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 11:32 am
This was a little rabbit trail that was in the ministries thread and I didn't want it to hijack the original post, which was a lovely description of a ministry Jlay was invovled in.
But it was brought up that a person could attend a church over a year and not know more than ten people well. There was surprised expressed over this but I certainly wasn't surprised. So I wanted to see what others were thinking about this idea.
For what it's worth,
There have been plenty of churches that I have been to where I have gone for over a year and yet I only knew 10 people well...Some of this has to do with my personality (not exactly extroverted), my situation in life(churches don't really see single people) but a great deal of frustration DOES come from hidden legalism, politics, the huge focus on families (nothing wrong with that, but if you are not part of the wonderful little package that fits neatly in ministries then you struggle in a church, you really do). CHildren, teens, college students, even "Career" people int he twenties, churches will devote their time and energy there but it seems that if you don't seem to be able to have a family by thirty you are out of luck. They aren't there for you. You may serve, but you certainly aren't ministered to other than the sermon. We have lost a LOT of people in the church due to this. (and it's a vicious cycle, they know they SHOULD go to church and sometimes try but every experience seems to reinforce what they already know...which makes it hard to stick your neck out and be vulnerable).
Churches (sigh) rightly create ministries for the famillies but this sometimes does lead to a sort of legalism and condemnation for others in the body. If not a sin of commision then certainly a sin of omission. A church may preach grace but live works and sadly I have seen this numerous times. I'm NOT saying anyone here is doing this, but sometimes we do forget that we are all struggling. Even with families, if you don't fit the pattern card of respectability or are struggling, there is little encouragement to be vulnerable and often there is pressure to hide the anxieties.
And to be honest, I'm not even saying that one SHOULD or have to know more than 10 people. I don't think there is a "critical level of sociability" that one can fail at.
I have been to small churches, huge churches (slight better but frsutrating because of the size), modern churches, traditional churches...
Any thoughts? Not necessarily looking for advice here (I've heard it all, or at least it seems like it), although anyone is welcome to it (be prepared to hear, I've done that). Just wondering about church experiences....
But it was brought up that a person could attend a church over a year and not know more than ten people well. There was surprised expressed over this but I certainly wasn't surprised. So I wanted to see what others were thinking about this idea.
For what it's worth,
There have been plenty of churches that I have been to where I have gone for over a year and yet I only knew 10 people well...Some of this has to do with my personality (not exactly extroverted), my situation in life(churches don't really see single people) but a great deal of frustration DOES come from hidden legalism, politics, the huge focus on families (nothing wrong with that, but if you are not part of the wonderful little package that fits neatly in ministries then you struggle in a church, you really do). CHildren, teens, college students, even "Career" people int he twenties, churches will devote their time and energy there but it seems that if you don't seem to be able to have a family by thirty you are out of luck. They aren't there for you. You may serve, but you certainly aren't ministered to other than the sermon. We have lost a LOT of people in the church due to this. (and it's a vicious cycle, they know they SHOULD go to church and sometimes try but every experience seems to reinforce what they already know...which makes it hard to stick your neck out and be vulnerable).
Churches (sigh) rightly create ministries for the famillies but this sometimes does lead to a sort of legalism and condemnation for others in the body. If not a sin of commision then certainly a sin of omission. A church may preach grace but live works and sadly I have seen this numerous times. I'm NOT saying anyone here is doing this, but sometimes we do forget that we are all struggling. Even with families, if you don't fit the pattern card of respectability or are struggling, there is little encouragement to be vulnerable and often there is pressure to hide the anxieties.
And to be honest, I'm not even saying that one SHOULD or have to know more than 10 people. I don't think there is a "critical level of sociability" that one can fail at.
I have been to small churches, huge churches (slight better but frsutrating because of the size), modern churches, traditional churches...
Any thoughts? Not necessarily looking for advice here (I've heard it all, or at least it seems like it), although anyone is welcome to it (be prepared to hear, I've done that). Just wondering about church experiences....