Exsperiences? Miracles? I Will Share Mine.

[Jonouchi Katsuya]

Hey, I guess this might surprise all of you all that I have some pretty cool spiritual experiences.

When I was 8/9 years old, I attempted suicide at my school. I was in the third grade. I had denied God's existence, my mother had forgotten about me even though we lived in the same home. I was told I was stupid so many times I felt it just wasn't worth living in the world anymore. After being sent out of the classroom at school for asking a question that was "inappropriate" and then I was satisfied by the answer and acted in anger. I crawled under the portable and tried to repeatedly stab myself in the chest with a pencil. I did leave bruises. I was about to go for my stomach when a raven landed right in front of me.

The raven looked at me quite curiously. I looked at the pencil, then back at the bird. The raven moved in closer and starred at me. And I felt something. A wash of peace... and like I didn't want to die anymore.

I looked down and saw a small amount of blood come up and seep into my shirt. No bigger than a penny.

I was promptly expelled from school... and sent to live with my father because my mother was unwilling to provide me with counseling that the school district was requiring. (And I told her I don't believe in God! D:)

My second experience... may have been more supernatural and I know you guys are not into that but here I go. When I was 13 years old, I was feeling suicidal again. God or whatever it was that told me not to die was unable to reach me with animals as because of middle school, I really had no time to keep a pet like I did before. (I was keeping pet rats from 9 years old, up until this time when they passed on).

I was still a troubled student. Many teachers didn't know what to do with me. In private, I was sweet as a button but anytime there were a lot of people around my anxiety got the best of me and it was hard for me to deal with. I had no friends. It was a completely new school far from all of the friends I had managed to make in elementary school.

I stated to have dreams with an angel in the form that they would typically take in a Renaissance painting only with modern clothing. He was blonde with a leather jacket. And eventually... I started seeing him outside of my dreams... least I talked to him when I was fully awake and I felt like I got direct responses. When I made my first friend in High school, the angel said goodbye... and I never saw him again. I wish to see him again... but I don't think I ever will. Hasn't even so much as shown up in a dream for old times sake.

And... I think the third thing is really sweet coincidence.

Soon after my 18th birthday, I was finally feeling secure with myself. I was successful, happy, getting good grades in high school, going to college at the same time. I had been learning about Buddhism, practicing meditation, for the past year. It was a good time. Things were looking up.

My friend gave me a black cat. He was a sweet kitty and I adored him. I thought we would be buddies till I was 35 years old or so. I was very excited at the idea of having a little friend that would live longer than a rat. Unfortunately.... he passed away very young in May at just 4 months old. It was so unexpected. I went to the college to find a shoulder to cry on... and that is when I met him.

My now husband. He was wearing make-up. Wearing a rainbow jacket. Equality buttons. He was pretty flirty and fun. It was love at first sight. He already annoyed me and I couldn't get enough of him as we talked for the next 8 hours without even knowing each other's names. He was so brash and bold that he showed the entire group that he was wearing female undergarments! And... I strangely admired this about him. He cheered me up. There were no need for tears. I actually thought he was gay but he just says he is for gay rights and he has no problem if people think he is queer or whatever. He is never bothered or wishes to pick a fight when someone calls him [homosexual] outside their car window. I have never seen a man do this.

My husband says he felt the same way when our eyes met... he says he just knew I was the one and that he would be loyal to me all the rest of our days.

I just feel it is... really sweet that I would find my husband... the day after my beloved kitten died. That I would not be left without companionship. That I would not be left alone. Especially when do to unforeseen circumstances... the following year would have been the worst year if he weren't in it to hold me in the bad times. Many people close to me died. Relationships were in turmoil around me. But me and my husband... are stronger than ever. I find I love him more every day and I find that to be a real miracle. I never thought it was possible. Especially considering before him, I had never kissed a boy or held hands with a boy for more than a few minutes to cross the street never romantically. Then this one comes along, gets under my skin and he is the best thing I could have ever dreamed up even if he is most other's nightmare.

I actually do feel these are blessings in my life. I feel these things were sent to me at pivotal moments. You may take them as you wish... but I definitely feel these were my big miracles. I feel I have actually had others too. Stuff like, finding money when I need it most. It always happens to be the exact amount I needed. Or the connection I feel with every pet rat I have ever had and how such a small animal can make me feel truly happy. Or how I got into the best choir on my first try. I guess I am grateful for every good thing that happens.