My testimony
Posted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 8:18 am
My Testimony
I was born on January 29, 1970 to an agnostic father who was raised Lutheran and to a disillusioned mother who was raised Assembly of God. Once I was born, my mother decided that I needed to go to church, so she started to attend a church near our home, which was an Evangelical Free church. Through the sermons she heard at that church, the Holy Spirit broke the chains of legalism she had been raised in, and her faith began to grow.
My brother was born 2 years later, and my mother faithfully took us both to church with her, but my father never attended.
During my infant to adolescent years, life was really good. We lived in a nice suburban neighborhood, I had three girls my age that lived in my neighborhood with whom I played and went to school. We all went so Sunday School, and had similar home lives: Americana in a nutshell. At the end of my 5th grade year, all of these girls and their families moved away. This shook my world. I didn’t have other friends at school; I hadn’t needed them. So, I entered 6th grade at the same school I had attended since Kindergarten with no friends. I started the year eating lunch alone and sitting alone on the playground. Eventually one girl started to invite me to eat and play with her. She introduced me to her friends. These girls were different from my old friends. They swore, and they took the name of God in vain. My mother had drilled it in my head that if you took the Lord’s name in vain, He would strike you dead. But, I wanted to be accepted by these girls. I vividly remember being in gym class, garnishing all the “courage” I could muster, and saying “Oh my G**” for the first time in my life. That willful decision was the beginning of a big downwards spiral for me. I started to do the things my new friends were doing (swearing, smoking, etc.), but I felt so guilty. I remember being at church and saying to God, “Stop making me feel guilty! I just want to do what I want to do! Get out of my life!” And you know what? He obliged. I should have been scared to death, but instead, I was relieved.
During this same time, my parents were having marital issues. My dad agreed to go to counseling with my mom’s pastor, and during these sessions my dad was saved. The difference in his life was amazing. He turned from being a distant man my brother and I were afraid to talk to into a warm, kind, gentle man I adored.
This change in my dad did not change me, however. During the summer between my 6th and 7th grade year, my brother and I stayed home alone while my parents worked. My parents rule was that we were to not have people over while they were gone. One day, I had been out and about in the neighborhood, and the most popular boy at school had asked me to hang out with him and some older boys he was with. Two of the older boys asked if they could come over to my house. I broke my parents rule and said yes. While at my house, they raped me. And sadly later that summer while hanging out with a boy I thought was my friend, he raped me as well. These experiences led me further down the wrong path. Instead of turning to God or my parents, I turned to alcohol and drugs. When I was 17, I finally got to the end of my rope. I believe God gave me a clear vision of my being at a crossroads. I could choose to keep going the way I was going, or I could choose to come back to God. Praise the Lord, I chose Jesus. There is so much more to this story, but I am at the end of the page. I am thankful that God never gave up on me, and still hasn’t.
I was born on January 29, 1970 to an agnostic father who was raised Lutheran and to a disillusioned mother who was raised Assembly of God. Once I was born, my mother decided that I needed to go to church, so she started to attend a church near our home, which was an Evangelical Free church. Through the sermons she heard at that church, the Holy Spirit broke the chains of legalism she had been raised in, and her faith began to grow.
My brother was born 2 years later, and my mother faithfully took us both to church with her, but my father never attended.
During my infant to adolescent years, life was really good. We lived in a nice suburban neighborhood, I had three girls my age that lived in my neighborhood with whom I played and went to school. We all went so Sunday School, and had similar home lives: Americana in a nutshell. At the end of my 5th grade year, all of these girls and their families moved away. This shook my world. I didn’t have other friends at school; I hadn’t needed them. So, I entered 6th grade at the same school I had attended since Kindergarten with no friends. I started the year eating lunch alone and sitting alone on the playground. Eventually one girl started to invite me to eat and play with her. She introduced me to her friends. These girls were different from my old friends. They swore, and they took the name of God in vain. My mother had drilled it in my head that if you took the Lord’s name in vain, He would strike you dead. But, I wanted to be accepted by these girls. I vividly remember being in gym class, garnishing all the “courage” I could muster, and saying “Oh my G**” for the first time in my life. That willful decision was the beginning of a big downwards spiral for me. I started to do the things my new friends were doing (swearing, smoking, etc.), but I felt so guilty. I remember being at church and saying to God, “Stop making me feel guilty! I just want to do what I want to do! Get out of my life!” And you know what? He obliged. I should have been scared to death, but instead, I was relieved.
During this same time, my parents were having marital issues. My dad agreed to go to counseling with my mom’s pastor, and during these sessions my dad was saved. The difference in his life was amazing. He turned from being a distant man my brother and I were afraid to talk to into a warm, kind, gentle man I adored.
This change in my dad did not change me, however. During the summer between my 6th and 7th grade year, my brother and I stayed home alone while my parents worked. My parents rule was that we were to not have people over while they were gone. One day, I had been out and about in the neighborhood, and the most popular boy at school had asked me to hang out with him and some older boys he was with. Two of the older boys asked if they could come over to my house. I broke my parents rule and said yes. While at my house, they raped me. And sadly later that summer while hanging out with a boy I thought was my friend, he raped me as well. These experiences led me further down the wrong path. Instead of turning to God or my parents, I turned to alcohol and drugs. When I was 17, I finally got to the end of my rope. I believe God gave me a clear vision of my being at a crossroads. I could choose to keep going the way I was going, or I could choose to come back to God. Praise the Lord, I chose Jesus. There is so much more to this story, but I am at the end of the page. I am thankful that God never gave up on me, and still hasn’t.
