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Daily Confession

Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 6:17 pm
by Furstentum Liechtenstein
Hello Christians, purebreed atheists and all clear thinkers. And Hello! also to the self-deluded: nominal Christians, Theistic atheists, Agnostic atheists, Theistic agnostics, Atheistic agnostics, and Buddhists,

In accord with James 5:16, I've decided to confess my sins to you. I sin everyday but today's sins were too big for me to share so early in our discussion, so I've decided to confess a future sin. Pay attention:

My family is coming over for ''Christmas'' dinner on Saturday, December 28th. I'm the only Christian, all the others are atheists (some purebeed, some mongrels) and two Jews, including a rabbi. The discussion will inevitably turn towards Christianity and I am always left alone to face this confederacy of, uh...fools.

So...my sin: we are not American, so alcohol is served at these parties. I want to stay sober, so I've purchased de-alcoholized beer just for me. No one else will get it. I'm the only one who will drink it! Everybody else will get gin or whisky or rum or beer or wine - whatever they want - but I'll stay crystal clear with my sissy beverage. I've noticed in the past that a little wine in my system shuts down all desire to communicate the gospel when 10+ angry unbelievers gang up on me.

That's my future sin.

FL :twisted:

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 6:58 pm
by Proinsias
Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:Hello Christians, purebreed atheists and all clear thinkers. And Hello! also to the self-deluded: nominal Christians, Theistic atheists, Agnostic atheists, Theistic agnostics, Atheistic agnostics, and Buddhists,

In accord with James 5:16, I've decided to confess my sins to you. I sin everyday but today's sins were too big for me to share so early in our discussion, so I've decided to confess a future sin. Pay attention:

My family is coming over for ''Christmas'' dinner on Saturday, December 28th. I'm the only Christian, all the others are atheists (some purebeed, some mongrels) and two Jews, including a rabbi. The discussion will inevitably turn towards Christianity and I am always left alone to face this confederacy of, uh...fools.

So...my sin: we are not American, so alcohol is served at these parties. I want to stay sober, so I've purchased de-alcoholized beer just for me. No one else will get it. I'm the only one who will drink it! Everybody else will get gin or whisky or rum or beer or wine - whatever they want - but I'll stay crystal clear with my sissy beverage. I've noticed in the past that a little wine in my system shuts down all desire to communicate the gospel when 10+ angry unbelievers gang up on me.

That's my future sin.

FL :twisted:
Level the playing field, get drunk too. Maybe forsake communicating the gosel for a moment and communicate with other people?

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 3:54 am
by RickD
What about your wife? Can't she back you up? Or do you have her in the kitchen all night? :dig:
You could always go on the offensive, and bring up the p sucking rabbis, before your guests all jump all over you.

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 6:05 am
by Byblos
Just before dinner make an announcement that you're converting to Catholicism. They will think you've completely lost your mind and never mention religion again, at which time you will drink, be merry, and enjoy Christmas.

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 6:09 am
by RickD
Byblos wrote:Just before dinner make an announcement that you're converting to Catholicism. They will think you've completely lost your mind and never mention religion again, at which time you will drink, be merry, and enjoy Christmas.
I like this idea better. That way your wife can stay in the kitchen where she belongs. :fryingpan:

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 3:30 pm
by Furstentum Liechtenstein
Hmmm...I can see that this Protestant hasn't got a clue about what confession is:
RickD wrote:What about your wife? Can't she back you up? Or do you have her in the kitchen all night? :dig:
You could always go on the offensive, and bring up the p sucking rabbis, before your guests all jump all over you.
Ditto for this Brand-X spiritualist either:
Proinsias wrote:Level the playing field, get drunk too. Maybe forsake communicating the gosel for a moment and communicate with other people?
Even our token Catholic - even he! - is lost in left field:
Byblos wrote:Just before dinner make an announcement that you're converting to Catholicism. They will think you've completely lost your mind and never mention religion again, at which time you will drink, be merry, and enjoy Christmas.
Confession isn't about advice, guys. All you do is listen to the confession and assure yourself that it is genuine. (If you are Catholic, you add penance.) OK...to be fair, I haven't yet committed the sin of deception (or lying) so I'll let you off the hook for now.

I have another sin to confess. Wait a few moments.

FL :D

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 4:29 am
by 1over137
FL wrote:10+ angry unbelievers gang up on me.
You know FL, I will pray that you stay peaceful. The peacefulness could hit them.

Thanks for confessing your sin of starting to lose your head about it. ;)

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 7:14 am
by Furstentum Liechtenstein
1over137 wrote:You know FL, I will pray that you stay peaceful.
I'm usually at peace. Here is another sin:

Here and there throughout Leviticus, we read about ''unintentional sin.'' Have you ever wondered what an unintentional sin looks like? ...well, here is mine, committed 2 days ago:

I walk into the kitchen and see my wife staring at her driver's licence. ''I look so old in this photo!'' she exclaims. ''You are old,'' I answer laconically. She gives me a glaring look. ''Look at this picture!'' she says as she thrusts her driver's licence into my face. ''Yeah,'' I say, ''that's what you look like.'' I add, ''I look old too...we have an image of ourselves in our mind that is flattering but if you want to see what you look like to other people, look at your licence photo.'' She shakes her head like this :shakehead: while rolling her eyes to the ceiling. I assume she doesn't agree with me, so I add, ''If you need confirmation, just look at your passport photo. I'm sure it's not any better.''

+ + +

Now, I didn't realize it at the time, but I had just sinned. I wasn't trying to be mean or insulting; in my mind, I was just telling her what I thought about our inherent tendency towards self-deception. What my wife heard was, ''You are old and ugly.'' To add insult to injury, I affirmed this in a matter-of-fact way.

FL

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 8:45 am
by RickD
FL wrote:
I walk into the kitchen and see my wife staring at her driver's licence. ''I look so old in this photo!'' she exclaims. ''You are old,'' I answer laconically. She gives me a glaring look. ''Look at this picture!'' she says as she thrusts her driver's licence into my face. ''Yeah,'' I say, ''that's what you look like.'' I add, ''I look old too...we have an image of ourselves in our mind that is flattering but if you want to see what you look like to other people, look at your licence photo.'' She shakes her head like this while rolling her eyes to the ceiling. I assume she doesn't agree with me, so I add, ''If you need confirmation, just look at your passport photo. I'm sure it's not any better.''
That is sooooooo true FL. I looked at a picture of myself, and said that I didn't like the picture because I look old in the picture. My wife then committed the same unintentional sin that you committed when she affirmed that I look old by saying, "that's what you look like".

And my govt. id photo, which is fairly recent, makes me look like a geezer. So I guess I really look old.

In contrast to that, my license photo is the same photo from 8 years ago. It doesn't even look like me anymore.

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:57 pm
by B. W.
RickD wrote:
FL wrote:
I walk into the kitchen and see my wife staring at her driver's licence. ''I look so old in this photo!'' she exclaims. ''You are old,'' I answer laconically. She gives me a glaring look. ''Look at this picture!'' she says as she thrusts her driver's licence into my face. ''Yeah,'' I say, ''that's what you look like.'' I add, ''I look old too...we have an image of ourselves in our mind that is flattering but if you want to see what you look like to other people, look at your licence photo.'' She shakes her head like this while rolling her eyes to the ceiling. I assume she doesn't agree with me, so I add, ''If you need confirmation, just look at your passport photo. I'm sure it's not any better.''
That is sooooooo true FL. I looked at a picture of myself, and said that I didn't like the picture because I look old in the picture. My wife then committed the same unintentional sin that you committed when she affirmed that I look old by saying, "that's what you look like".

And my govt. id photo, which is fairly recent, makes me look like a geezer. So I guess I really look old.

In contrast to that, my license photo is the same photo from 8 years ago. It doesn't even look like me anymore.
Rick -- So is your avatar photo off your driver license? If so, man oh man, your are really old...

Poor FL, sometimes telling the truth can be a sin!

Let's see for penance you will need to take you wife out and let her buy all the cookies in the Bakery... or all the shoes she desires and build her another house to store them all in...

Or witness to all your heathen relatives after they get sorry drunk - after all sorry eyed drunks are easy to convert...

:cheeking:
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Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 11:42 pm
by 1over137
Let's see for penance you will need to take you wife out and let her buy all the cookies in the Bakery... or all the shoes she desires and build her another house to store them all in...
What a stereotype.

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:24 am
by RickD
Well FL, how'd it go last night?

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:13 am
by Kurieuo
Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:Hello Christians, purebreed atheists and all clear thinkers. And Hello! also to the self-deluded: nominal Christians, Theistic atheists, Agnostic atheists, Theistic agnostics, Atheistic agnostics, and Buddhists,

In accord with James 5:16, I've decided to confess my sins to you. I sin everyday but today's sins were too big for me to share so early in our discussion, so I've decided to confess a future sin. Pay attention:

My family is coming over for ''Christmas'' dinner on Saturday, December 28th. I'm the only Christian, all the others are atheists (some purebeed, some mongrels) and two Jews, including a rabbi. The discussion will inevitably turn towards Christianity and I am always left alone to face this confederacy of, uh...fools.

So...my sin: we are not American, so alcohol is served at these parties. I want to stay sober, so I've purchased de-alcoholized beer just for me. No one else will get it. I'm the only one who will drink it! Everybody else will get gin or whisky or rum or beer or wine - whatever they want - but I'll stay crystal clear with my sissy beverage. I've noticed in the past that a little wine in my system shuts down all desire to communicate the gospel when 10+ angry unbelievers gang up on me.

That's my future sin.

FL :twisted:
Too late now, but you could just mention Hitler and his Atheistic Christianity. Always a good distraction.

Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:33 am
by B. W.
1over137 wrote:
Let's see for penance you will need to take you wife out and let her buy all the cookies in the Bakery... or all the shoes she desires and build her another house to store them all in...
What a stereotype.
Oh ooo

:fryingpan:

...to the dog house for me

:giverose:

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Re: Daily Confession

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:38 am
by RickD
B. W. wrote:
1over137 wrote:
Let's see for penance you will need to take you wife out and let her buy all the cookies in the Bakery... or all the shoes she desires and build her another house to store them all in...
What a stereotype.
Oh ooo

:fryingpan:

...to the dog house for me

:giverose:

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B. W.,
Be vewy vewy careful! I think you've drawn the ire of the Queen! :redcard: