Evidence for God from Science

i've lost God. totally, completely. i am at the point where i do not even know if i can get Him back. i was so high on Him and christianity when i wrote my testimony. then i got slapped in the face with guilt and now i can't come back. it is so very strange. all the insight and serenity that He granted is slowly being rubbed off--like i'm a totally different person. i know you guys are going to think i am an absolute psycho, but i really don't care. i don't even know what kind of response i'm looking for.

i've been wondering what His stance is on suicide. is it like murder? will i rot in hell for it? is there really a hell. i mean, come on guys. anyways, it's all i can really think about now. i've tried it four times. you might think He wanted me alive for something? i just can't figure it out. i wonder if this whole christian thing was a lie? was it fake? was it a placebo thing? why would He have lifted me so high just to drop me on my head? why won't He answer me? isn't He not supposed to give you more than you can handle? is this like a great big joke to Him?...all of us pleading for salvation just to realize He never intended to give it us?

i never thought i'd reach this point again. but this is different, this is f****ed up because at least then i didn't know any better. misery was okay. then He "lifted me up", showed me how wonderful things could be, and then TOOK IT ALL AWAY!

if he does love us, then i've never gotten this love thing. because this doesn't seem like love to me at all.

Man, I feel somewhat like you do. I've felt worse than I do now too, there were times when I've contemplated suicide.

To answer your first question, suicide is detestable in His eyes. Don't do it, it's bad for you.

All I have to give you is what I have done every time I've felt depressed. I just try to clear my head and sort my thoughts. You must feel confused, a huge part of your life seems so alien now doesn't it? Clear your head and calm down whenever you feel really out of it. Try to do something you've always liked doing, personally I pray.

By wonderful things that He has given you, what do you mean? Are these spiritual gifts that you can find anymore?

Sometimes I feel like you do, that God is harsh and unloving. But.... well I can't explain it but God being tough on us is one of the most loving things He can do for us. If He didn't do this, would you be questioning yourself now? Would you have the oppurtunity to know yourself better? Every time I get really emotional I can gain some insight into who I am. Maybe you can do the same thing as well.

Best wishes, Dan. I'll pray for you.

wonderful things. before Him i was a monster. when He entered my life i was totally and completely transformed. i felt love and compassion and empathy and i became kind and good. it's funny, i even realized i was kind of smart...without drugs/alcohol and everything else i was able to think and reason. i had never had this before. i have always been unhappy. there has never been a reprieve from hate/misery. i was like, holy s**t...this is what it's supposed to be like? i never even laughed before God. i used to see people laughing/smiling or having a conversation and i'd just stare...sometimes i'd realize what i was doing and think, "oh, this is funny. i'm supposed to laugh." then i'd fake it. i never cried. i'd see people hurt absolutely have no idea what to say or do...i really didn't give a d**n.

then i gave a d**n and it felt so good. for seven months now i have become something unimaginable to everyone who knows me. mostly, i've gotten many, "what's wrong with you's?" because ME being good was unfathomable.

but, now it's going away. it was so effortless in the beginning and then it got harder, and now, though i've tried to hold onto it, it's fading away.

i would rather die than become who i used to be again. because, truly, it was hell then, anyways.

Prodigal Son wrote:wonderful things. before Him i was a monster. when He entered my life i was totally and completely transformed. i felt love and compassion and empathy and i became kind and good. it's funny, i even realized i was kind of smart...without drugs/alcohol and everything else i was able to think and reason. i had never had this before. i have always been unhappy. there has never been a reprieve from hate/misery. i was like, holy s**t...this is what it's supposed to be like? i never even laughed before God. i used to see people laughing/smiling or having a conversation and i'd just stare...sometimes i'd realize what i was doing and think, "oh, this is funny. i'm supposed to laugh." then i'd fake it. i never cried. i'd see people hurt absolutely have no idea what to say or do...i really didn't give a d**n.

then i gave a d**n and it felt so good. for seven months now i have become something unimaginable to everyone who knows me. mostly, i've gotten many, "what's wrong with you's?" because ME being good was unfathomable.

but, now it's going away. it was so effortless in the beginning and then it got harder, and now, though i've tried to hold onto it, it's fading away.

i would rather die than become who i used to be again. because, truly, it was hell then, anyways.

Hmm, you remind me of her:

http://www.ex-atheist.com

i just want mercy. is that too much to ask? why punish me for things i could not see? i was blind. i didn't know any better.

i can't [love] BREATHE!

my wife left me. not for who i am, for who i WAS! so He askes you to change and when you do, he abandons you?

she says she's going to get a restraining order if i continue to try to make contact with her. she says when the baby's born she doesn't want me near it!

i just want a chance to be a good person. i know i can be a good father. everyone else gets a chance. my f****ing father got a chance. why can't i have one?

what is it God wants from us?

Check your pm.

I'm currently reading Hannah Hurnard's Hind's Feet on High Places. I think, although it's about a different type of struggle, the truths about God presented in it could be a comfort to you. I'm only half-way through, but I'll tell you a little of it so you can see if you're interested. It's an allegory to our walk with God like John Bunyun's The Pilgrim's Progress, but I actually like it a lot better. In it the Chief Shepherd's servant Much-Afraid, who's from the family of Fearlings, wants to escape her family and go up to the High Places with the Chief Shepherd. On this journey the Chief Shepherd gives her two very capable guides to help her named Sorrow and Suffering. At first she is very scared of them being her guides, but she learns that without them she would never be able to make the journey and comes to love them for all of the help they give her. And just like in any Christian's walk with God, the path the Chief Shepherd has her on sometimes goes in exactly the opposite direction it ultimately leads to.

Dan wrote:Sometimes I feel like you do, that God is harsh and unloving. But.... well I can't explain it but God being tough on us is one of the most loving things He can do for us. If He didn't do this, would you be questioning yourself now? Would you have the oppurtunity to know yourself better? Every time I get really emotional I can gain some insight into who I am. Maybe you can do the same thing as well.

I whole-heartedly agree. God has plans for our pains. I've been suicidal as well, and I've ruined my tear ducts from all of my intense crying. My experience I'm sure wasn't even close to what yours must be like, but the ways which God works with His Children always follow the same principles. The Bible says that God uses everything in the life of those who love Him for their good. And no matter how difficult that may be to accept sometimes it's always true. We are His Children and He is a Good Father.

On Much-Afraid's journey through a desert she came to a building. In the building, (I'm going to tell this part my own way,) there was a master potter on one floor, who taking a lump of clay would pound out all of the air-pockets, and spinning it on his wheel would shape and mould the clay to his liking by applying varying degrees of pressure, and then place it in a hot kiln to harden into the created form. On the next floor was a metal-worker who would build a hot fire, insert the metal to be moulded into the fire to be softened, and then would pound out with a heavy hammer and a strong arm the form which he desired the metal to take. There were three floors like this, (I remember the details so poorly,) and the message was pretty obvious (and very biblical). God takes us as lumps of clay or chunks of metal and through varying pressures and trials of fire forms us into vessels for His use. This is the only way it can be done.

Cling to the One who gives bread and not stones, (our eyes don't see what God sees,) trust Him according to His Word, and in the end you will see the Master Plan which neccessarily includes Sorrow and Suffering. I'm telling you that God has you in His Hands and feels your pain even more than you do because of His great love for you. He who appears to more than abandon us but throw us to the wolves is your hope, in whom you can and should, and one day will trust. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him," (somewhere in Job.) And while it's brought up, Job would be a good book for you as well! And I'm confidently praying for you too. You will be fine because God will see you through.

Prodigal Son wrote:my wife left me. not for who i am, for who i WAS! so He askes you to change and when you do, he abandons you?

she says she's going to get a restraining order if i continue to try to make contact with her. she says when the baby's born she doesn't want me near it!

i just want a chance to be a good person. i know i can be a good father. everyone else gets a chance. my f****ing father got a chance. why can't i have one?

what is it God wants from us?

God wants you to take legal action.

You are the child's father, God acknowledges that. You can take her to court about custody. I know you'll make a great father, I know God knows you are the babies intended guardian.

God is with you, you simply have to use the options available to you. He doesn't often give out miracles, He gives knowledge and wisdom the most, and He tests people with situations that seem hard, but are not.

You are entitled, by the law, which God allows to rule your nation, to be a father for your child. No one, not even God can take that away from you. God is with you, the situation is bleak but He is still there, and He wants you to be a father.

Prodigal Son wrote: i've lost God. totally, completely. i am at the point where i do not even know if i can get Him back. i was so high on Him and christianity when i wrote my testimony. then i got slapped in the face with guilt and now i can't come back. it is so very strange. all the insight and serenity that He granted is slowly being rubbed off--like i'm a totally different person. i know you guys are going to think i am an absolute psycho, but i really don't care. i don't even know what kind of response i'm looking for.

i've been wondering what His stance is on suicide. is it like murder? will i rot in hell for it? is there really a hell. i mean, come on guys. anyways, it's all i can really think about now. i've tried it four times. you might think He wanted me alive for something? i just can't figure it out. i wonder if this whole christian thing was a lie? was it fake? was it a placebo thing? why would He have lifted me so high just to drop me on my head? why won't He answer me? isn't He not supposed to give you more than you can handle? is this like a great big joke to Him?...all of us pleading for salvation just to realize He never intended to give it us?

My friend it is now time to put everything on God. Kind of reminds me of the Sand Poem where there are 2 sets of footprints in the Sand and at times there are one. The one Pair represents when God was carrying you through the hard times. My Friend God is an Amazing God but he did not say Life would not happen. My Brother lost his only Child to SMA an Acute Disease that kills the Child within two years. She was born last year in January and Died in June! He was shell shocked, it is like everything died in him that DAY! On top of that his Marriage was completely on the Rocks his Mother and Father In-Law hated him and fed that to his Wife. He did not have a Job (no money) and YET God still blessed him and stayed with him through his Doubts and in the end He did not have one thing to lean on except God. He has fought through the first Year Emotionally drained. He has put his trust in God and has actually come to a Better point in his life now then ever! He has a Job he loves doing, he has some websites now that make money for him 24/7. His Marriage he is still working on but it will be a work in progress. His wife stops listening to her Parents to realize that he is a great Man. Read Job and See what he went through! God Rewards those who are Faithful!

Thanks for Sharing

Christ be with you

Tim

I'd like to add some more. If you commit suicide, you yourself will be the one taking you away from your child. If you give up on God just because your initial zeal has waned, (it does for probably everyone,) and because things in your life are very hard, you give up on your only hope for recovery. Living for your child and living with God are your only good options. Go to Him and present yourself as an offering. Present all that you have as an offering. Once all is given to God, have faith that He is Good and trust Him to be so, and then see what God does with what is His. You may even have to present your child as a sacrifice to Him. Put your Isaac on the altar, your trust in God who keeps His promises, and one day you may find your ram caught in the bushes. In that day you will praise God and call Him Good!

You really need to talk to someone in person. If you have a church home, I suggest you schedule an appointment with your pastor. If not, find a pastor at a local church or a quality Christian counselor. These people are trained to help those in situations like yours, and talking to a person can help in ways talk in online forums cannot.

As another advice, let me tell you of something my own pastor always likes to say: "Never confuse circumstances with reality." Life may be really hard for you right now, but God is in heaven and justice will be done in eternity. Everyone has bad times and good times even on this earth.

I will pray for you; let me know how it goes.