Self-professed 'seeker' seeks testimony!
Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 3:30 am
Hey there, I've been putzing around this board recently, and have been intensely interested in... well, just about everything with regards to human nature, for a few years now.
First, the personal story.
I had a fairly normal childhood. Meaning, my family was just as dysfunctional as anybody else's. I went to public school, I took my standardized tests, I had my interests, etc.
I have precisely one memory of church in my youth, and it's nothing more than a fuzzy picture of sitting in some room listening to somebody ramble about some guy named Jesus.
Later I discovered that my parents were drawn away from the Church, for whatever reason. Something to do with not feeling as if the church actually had the 'right idea,' and the fact that, as they say, the majority of the services they attended were merely about raising money for the church, as opposed to the white-meat of Christian doctrine.
So I started to grow up, being fascinated with... well, just about everything. I've had a very diverse and rich youth, activity wise. But like I said, it was completely seperate from the Church.
The experiences I had with the Church? Well, I knew a few Christians. And they were weird. But I didn't let it bother me. I felt odd, when other kids would ask me if I went to Church, or talk about communion, and I would be sitting there, completely clueless. But that was okay. I had my own thing goin, and I was fine.
Then comes high school. Here comes science, here comes reason, there goes Christianity. The Christians I know are still weird. And what's more, they aren't rational!
"I'm against abortion."
"Why?"
"Because I'm Catholic."
"Why are you Catholic?"
"Because my parents are."
Airtight arguments there.
At this point, probably age 14 or 15, I begin to really struggle with faith. I don't know where I stand. I don't know what I believe. What's worse, I don't know what others believe, other than the drivel I hear about the Bible being some fairy tale and some Jesus guy supposedly doing impossible things.
So what's the conclusion then? Quite simply, I have no idea. I had strong leanings towards the idea of some sort of higher 'something,' that I guess could only be correctly referred to as God. But the true nature of it, Him, etc? Who knows.
At this point, I still think Christianity is hogwash. (It was at this point I started to think I might find something worth following in 'Deism,' but then quickly realized how little sense that made. Here's a faith that doesn't require prayer, or scripture... and yet they have an organized church that wants monetary donations??? Right.)
And I have plenty of evidence to back me up. Namely, the fact that many Christians that I know are hypocritical.
Then again, this is high school. And I'm as hypocritical as anybody, I just wouldn't deny it when pressured.
And here's where it all goes screwy. A good friend of mine is a very devout Catholic. But now that he's older, he seems to... make sense? He's one of the most caring, sympathetic, genuine people I've ever met? And he's logical?? Woah, something isn't right here.
And then the biggie. I fall for a girl. Hard.
Oh, did I mention her parents are born-again, and she's intensely devout? No sex before marriage? Hell, she didn't even kiss her first and only boyfriend before me. And as I get to know her, my beliefs were already along the agnostic-but-leaning-toward-some-deity side, and I began to pester her. Rib her on her beliefs. Find out what she believes, why she believes it, etc. Not to be mean, but because of a very real curiosity. And she handled herself wonderfully.
Well, my chronology is a bit reversed here, as I did start giving a little more credit to the apologetic side of things before I fell for this wonderful Girl. But I cannot downlplay the importance she has had in my downright fascination with the topic, and my search for truth.
To stop boring you with the details, I'm beginning to feel there's more to this Christianity thing than met the eye. I've always leaned toward the idea of a Deity, as it has always made more sense to me than the opposing viewpoint, in myriad ways. But now, I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, this bible thing might be what I've been looking for?
I've read Lee Strobel. I've read C.S. Lewis. I've read Michael Denton arguing against macroevolution. I've read Hawking, Einstein, and everything in between. I will always be searching for answers in science, to the best of my ability. That search will never end, and my journey of discovery is going to continue the rest of my life.
But what I feel I've been missing? The personal aspect. I've heard the stories of criminals turning to God, of miracles, all that stuff. I've heard a few startling testimonies from some amazing people about why they've turned to God.
This is where I ask, nay, I beg of you that have found truth in Christ... what gives? Give me your story, give me your reasons, give me your anything! I've heard and seen so many personal accounts, but hardly any of them have actually, for lack of a better term, 'related' to me. Reading some random story written on the internet, or watching a random person talk about how they found the Bible in prison... these things are fascinating, but to me, something is lacking. They're papers, essays... they're practiced, rehearsed, designed to be heard by a large audience, and it is (obviously) impossible to have a one on one discourse about the topic like this.
And this is why I'm turning to this board. I've had a few amazing discussions, with many people, but I'd just really like to open this up to anybody, for all of our sakes. Mine, in the sense that I'm dying to hear the stories. Yours, in the sense that ya'll are probably dying to share, and everybody else's, in the sense that reading anybody's personal story is simply an enriching experience.
I apologize in advance for this stream-of-consciousness post.
First, the personal story.
I had a fairly normal childhood. Meaning, my family was just as dysfunctional as anybody else's. I went to public school, I took my standardized tests, I had my interests, etc.
I have precisely one memory of church in my youth, and it's nothing more than a fuzzy picture of sitting in some room listening to somebody ramble about some guy named Jesus.
Later I discovered that my parents were drawn away from the Church, for whatever reason. Something to do with not feeling as if the church actually had the 'right idea,' and the fact that, as they say, the majority of the services they attended were merely about raising money for the church, as opposed to the white-meat of Christian doctrine.
So I started to grow up, being fascinated with... well, just about everything. I've had a very diverse and rich youth, activity wise. But like I said, it was completely seperate from the Church.
The experiences I had with the Church? Well, I knew a few Christians. And they were weird. But I didn't let it bother me. I felt odd, when other kids would ask me if I went to Church, or talk about communion, and I would be sitting there, completely clueless. But that was okay. I had my own thing goin, and I was fine.
Then comes high school. Here comes science, here comes reason, there goes Christianity. The Christians I know are still weird. And what's more, they aren't rational!
"I'm against abortion."
"Why?"
"Because I'm Catholic."
"Why are you Catholic?"
"Because my parents are."
Airtight arguments there.
At this point, probably age 14 or 15, I begin to really struggle with faith. I don't know where I stand. I don't know what I believe. What's worse, I don't know what others believe, other than the drivel I hear about the Bible being some fairy tale and some Jesus guy supposedly doing impossible things.
So what's the conclusion then? Quite simply, I have no idea. I had strong leanings towards the idea of some sort of higher 'something,' that I guess could only be correctly referred to as God. But the true nature of it, Him, etc? Who knows.
At this point, I still think Christianity is hogwash. (It was at this point I started to think I might find something worth following in 'Deism,' but then quickly realized how little sense that made. Here's a faith that doesn't require prayer, or scripture... and yet they have an organized church that wants monetary donations??? Right.)
And I have plenty of evidence to back me up. Namely, the fact that many Christians that I know are hypocritical.
Then again, this is high school. And I'm as hypocritical as anybody, I just wouldn't deny it when pressured.
And here's where it all goes screwy. A good friend of mine is a very devout Catholic. But now that he's older, he seems to... make sense? He's one of the most caring, sympathetic, genuine people I've ever met? And he's logical?? Woah, something isn't right here.
And then the biggie. I fall for a girl. Hard.
Oh, did I mention her parents are born-again, and she's intensely devout? No sex before marriage? Hell, she didn't even kiss her first and only boyfriend before me. And as I get to know her, my beliefs were already along the agnostic-but-leaning-toward-some-deity side, and I began to pester her. Rib her on her beliefs. Find out what she believes, why she believes it, etc. Not to be mean, but because of a very real curiosity. And she handled herself wonderfully.
Well, my chronology is a bit reversed here, as I did start giving a little more credit to the apologetic side of things before I fell for this wonderful Girl. But I cannot downlplay the importance she has had in my downright fascination with the topic, and my search for truth.
To stop boring you with the details, I'm beginning to feel there's more to this Christianity thing than met the eye. I've always leaned toward the idea of a Deity, as it has always made more sense to me than the opposing viewpoint, in myriad ways. But now, I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, this bible thing might be what I've been looking for?
I've read Lee Strobel. I've read C.S. Lewis. I've read Michael Denton arguing against macroevolution. I've read Hawking, Einstein, and everything in between. I will always be searching for answers in science, to the best of my ability. That search will never end, and my journey of discovery is going to continue the rest of my life.
But what I feel I've been missing? The personal aspect. I've heard the stories of criminals turning to God, of miracles, all that stuff. I've heard a few startling testimonies from some amazing people about why they've turned to God.
This is where I ask, nay, I beg of you that have found truth in Christ... what gives? Give me your story, give me your reasons, give me your anything! I've heard and seen so many personal accounts, but hardly any of them have actually, for lack of a better term, 'related' to me. Reading some random story written on the internet, or watching a random person talk about how they found the Bible in prison... these things are fascinating, but to me, something is lacking. They're papers, essays... they're practiced, rehearsed, designed to be heard by a large audience, and it is (obviously) impossible to have a one on one discourse about the topic like this.
And this is why I'm turning to this board. I've had a few amazing discussions, with many people, but I'd just really like to open this up to anybody, for all of our sakes. Mine, in the sense that I'm dying to hear the stories. Yours, in the sense that ya'll are probably dying to share, and everybody else's, in the sense that reading anybody's personal story is simply an enriching experience.
I apologize in advance for this stream-of-consciousness post.